Saints Rants

The End.

2011-03-13T15:12:00.000-06:00

The day has come.

This will be the last post here at Saints Rants.

No, I'm not pouting about the release of Shockey. (You didn't really think that, did you?)
No, I'm not becoming a Browns fan. (But we still aren't speaking of all of that just yet.)
No, I'm not following Bid Daddy P and crew to Dallas.

It's just . . . time.
Time to move on.
For me, at least.

It's been loads of fun, and I'll still enjoy following along with your sites. I've just run out of time to keep up with this one. And when that happens, it all ceases to be fun anymore. So . . . done. I'm actually going to take the site down in a few weeks. Until we meet again . . .

Who Dat!!!

I Sure Do Like Those Christmas Cookies, Sugar

2010-12-24T08:17:00.000-06:00

Ok, so that stunk up the barn. We can all agree. But seriously . . . deep breath . . . it wasn't that bad. Not even close. Painful, yes. But it was still doable. Shit, it's not like we put up a Carolina performance or anything. Simmer down. All is most certainly not lost. That said, I still have a few last minute Christmas wishes I'm putting on my list to Santa.

1. Some Red Bull for Harper. (Overrun by a QB? Missing tackles? WTF?)

2. Malcolm Jenkins. (I'll stop before I break into "Where Did My Baby Go" without John Legend to sing along with me.)

3. A healthy set of cornerbacks. One full season of them. (Pretty Please.)

4. More Jimmy Graham. (Because more is still never enough. Even when he exhibits dumbassery, I still want to pinch his cheeks and pat him on the head and remind him it's all rainbows and kittens with him around.)

5. A ban on any contact between Meachem and Bush. (I smell a contagion. Run. Forward.)

6. Chris Ivory. (Healthy. Forever and ever.)

7. A six game winning streak.

Happy Who Dat Blessings to All!!!

More Than a Feeling

2010-11-02T11:34:00.000-06:00

All last week I had this sense of calm about the game. I chalked it up to a letdown from The Cleveland Game. You know, the residual feeling of loss and sadness after such a horrible letdown, losing a game that on paper you should have won easily. But despite the numbers, I never felt good about that game. But this wasn't depression or apathy. This was confidence. This game - this, of all games - felt easy. I had no rational or logical basis for the feeling that this would be the game. And, of course, it wasn't. But it was damn close.

Now that we've all had some time to think about it, let's all agree that of course we won the game. We played Pitt. Of course it was going to be a defensive battle. And, really, have you seen our defense lately? I don't care how many turnovers we had last year or how many injuries we have this year. I will take THIS defense over last year's any day. Why? Oh, I'm not going to throw around a Jammal Brown or a Charles Grant excuse here, although I would still argue that the money tied up in those two positions contributed to failings in other areas. That aside, no one can argue that this defense is more solid, more consistent. It's the defense we dreamed when our offense was firing strong. And now, we have it. Despite the injuries. Despite having to play their asses off when the offense isn't cutting it.
These guys rock.

Unfortunately, our offensive line isn't producing the same kind of consistency. A running game might have been nice, but I understand we're trying to make holes against the Steelers. That's a tall oder for any line. And yeah, I understand Bushrod's blocking Harrison, but if we have to continuously load that line with extra guys in every game (not just these tough ones) you can just get used to this kind of nerve-wracking ending. No more 8 minute drives to eat up the clock. Forget those days. They're done. For now.

In lighter news, have I mentioned lately how much I love Malcolm Jenkins?
'Cause I do.
Big ol' bunches.

I Swear, This Was Not My Fault

2010-10-26T13:03:00.000-06:00

Don't blame me.

The jersey remained in the closet on Sunday.

So, for the record, this is NOT my fault.

Or maybe it is. Maybe this is my penance for not having enough faith to support my favorite team and my favorite player at the same time when they're facing off on the same field. But this doesn't have anything to do with me, right? This is just a game. Shit happens. Teams play craptastic now and then. Opposing teams go all in and get 150 yds on three trick plays. It happens.

So why do I feel like I'm being punished?

Homecoming Week

2010-10-22T09:12:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't heard, it's Homecoming Week around here.

*sniff* *sniff*

I'll admit to being a little conflicted this week, but fret not. I know where my loyalties lie.

Then, just when I'm ready to begin the smack talk, he goes around talking about NFL hypocrisy, and it reinforces why we all loved having this guy on OUR side. But he's not . . . anymore . . . *sniff* *sniff*

I'll get over it.
One day.

Maybe.

That Was Then, This Is Real-For-Now

2010-10-18T12:55:00.031-06:00

Yes, fellow Saints fans, the world is right again. Sure, we could nitpick. Were there injuries? Yup. Did Hartley miss another thirty yarder? Yup. Did they miss a few potential interceptions? Yup. Was it our team's A game yet? Probably not.

And then there's the fact that we whooped the snot out of . . . Tampa. But let's forget that for a moment. Look, I wasn't blinded by the 3-1 record any more than you. Week one they beat . . . Jake. Gee, I'm shaking in my black and gold boots. Week two they beat . . . Carolina . . . with only 12 completed passes out of 24. Yeah, that speaks more on the stankage of those teams than any perceived greatness of Tampa Bay. Still, before you get all huffy about "It was just Tampa," remember how great it's going to be that we don't have to hear anyone singing their praises for another couple of weeks. By the time people start to wonder about them again, we'll just give them another beat down in game #2 to prove them all wrong. Again. For now, I'm content to enjoy this victory. It was a road game against a 3-1 division opponent. Relish that.

Now, I know a bunch of you want to throw Jenkins to the wolves over that late hit. Honestly, I still don't think it was that bad. Should he have gotten the penalty? Sure. Throw the damn flag. But the dude had momentum for crying out loud. It takes a lot to bring a guy like that down, and had he not thrown himself at Freeman when he did and the guy happened to slip around Jenkins, we'd all be screaming for his head for not throwing the guy to the ground. And Freeman can whine all he wants, but it didn't even look like it was a particularly low hit either. Now, the swat at Freeman's head after they got up was a different matter. It was a stupid move, I'm not excusing that at all. But Freeman ran his mouth an awful lot. And not just right after the hit. Freaking Ronde Barber pulled Jenkins aside, calmed him down, and Freeman still took his big ass self around the crowd to get back in Jenkins' face. Again. Where was the flag for that? I'm all for a quarterback with moxie, but that just ticked me off. If the NFL wants to protect their fragile QBs, they need to have a sit down with them and tell them if they're going to get in someone's face they need to be prepared to get swatted by a defender or a pretty yellow flag.

I don't know about all of you, but I'm pretty content. We may need to wait until Halloween to battle a worthy opponent and find out if these are the "Real" Saints, but I'm ok with Real-For-Now.
Besides, it's Homecoming Week in New Orleans. Put on your party hats, bitches!

Phoning It In

2010-10-11T11:15:00.000-06:00

Ring, ring . . .

Hey, Internet Peeps. This is Saints Rants. I'm . . . *cough* *cough* . . . feeling a little *cough* under the weather, so I don't think I'm going to *cough* make it in today. Thanks for understanding. I'll clock back in next week, you know, if I feel like it. Thanks for understanding.
Bye.

Why the hell not. That's what the offense did, right?

That's right, I said, the offense. The defense gets a pass this week, because even though they're banged up too, Harper and Jenkins had their heads in the game. Plus, Charleston and That New Kid With the Hair did pretty well too. (Seriously, if you want me to remember your name, don't cover it up on your jersey. I don't have time to look up your number each week, and I sure as hell wasn't paying attention to Kurt and that other tool.) Maybe we didn't get the turnovers we were used to last year, but at least they tried.

No, this week I'm unleashing my fury on the offense. Because really, enough is enough. Betts looked lost, then Ivory saw, what, three plays? What gives? Shockey got lucky in the end zone when the Cardinals completely bought the run, but later when Brees threw short, he didn't even bother to fight for the ball. Dude, lay off the valium and show some fire, please. I'm pretty sure that's what they pay you for.

And then there's Drew. Dear, sweet, Drew. I'll refrain from asking you to time your babymaking a little better next time. Instead, I'm going to ask what the hell happened? I hate to say it, but from the outside it looks like a confidence issue. When you throw to Colston a gazillion times, and every single throw is under twenty yards, it makes a person wonder what's going on in that head of his. There's no way everyone else is covered. No way. And then, if you are capable of connecting in the end zone at the end of the game, why wouldn't you give that a shot a quarter or two earlier when you were behind and needed points or at the very least a spark.

Speaking of spark . . .

Did someone need to literally light a fire under their asses with four minutes left on the clock? Because I will gladly volunteer for that job. No payment necessary. I understand not wanting to panic, but damn. That was just ridiculous.

I don't care how many injuries this team has. I don't care how many field goals they miss (again, Morstead anyone?). We know what they're capable of, even without a few starters. Put you big boy pants on, drink a Red Bull or two, and Show Up. Or don't show up at all. If you're going to phone it in, just keep your asses in bed next Sunday.

That might be less painful for us all.

High Five.

2010-10-04T17:51:00.000-06:00

I'm so sick of injuries. I mean, crap, do you realize we were one more hit away from Randall Gay lining up at safety? I knew it was probably going to be one of those seasons, but that doesn't make it any less painful. So, in the spirit of denial, I'll be sticking my fingers in my ears and muttering "Not listening," until next Sunday. For now, enjoy my top five from the game.

1. I'm glad we saw them finally get after a green quarterback. I've seen them take it easy on those punks too many times. Still, after that mess of a first drive when he had steve smith calling time out, you'd think we could have shoved the rest of the game down his throat.

2. Sedrick Ellis played well. Does that make two games in a row for him? About damn time.

3. Lookie, lookie . . . we had a running game! Don't talk to me about Ivory's fumble. I'll eat that one in the name of a learning curve. Any more and he's toast. Kudos to Betts and Ivory this week.

4. I have a new favorite player . . . Jason Kyle. The freaking long snapper. It's a new low, people. Worse than when the season was so bad I fell in love with a punter.

5. Speaking of the punter, my vote is to just let Morstead kick everything. 'Cause gee, you know, we might actually need a roster spot for a freaking safety instead of carrying three freaking kickers. I know I'm supposed to spend this spot talking about how great Carney is and how glad we are to have him back because he's such a good guy. Screw that. Go be a good guy somewhere else and get me a safety.

Simmer Down, There's a Silver Lining

2010-09-28T05:00:00.058-06:00

Hey, remember last year? Remember back before you all ran out to buy Garrett Hartley jerseys? Back before you started naming your children and dogs after him? This is who Garrett Harley was:

No, I Will Not Mention Hartley in This Post
Brushing off the Poo
Oakland Recap & Question of the Week
Putting on My Big Girl Boots

Guess what? He's still that guy.
Oh, and look at that. We'll be carrying two fucking kickers again. Gotta love that shit. Still, we kicked ass last year. Loads of it. And we'll kick more this year. Bet on it.

And yet, there's another bright side. No, it isn't that this was a division rivalry after a short week. Or that our defense played as well as we ever ask them to play. Or even that we got to see Lance. Finally. Screw all that. Week Three proved that I'll never have to hear one particular phrase EVER again.

Worst to First.

I fucking hate hearing that over and over and over again. Jeez, find a new stat, people. But thanks to Tampa, we won't have to hear that shit anymore.

Thank you, Pitt, and Charlie Batch, you're my hero. And Tampa, thanks for sucking ass!

You are my silver lining.

I Ain't Sayin' He's a Gold Digger . . .

2010-09-21T07:52:00.001-06:00

Psst . . .

Mike . . .

Yo, Mikey . . .

That shiny crap you saw, thinking maybe you had a team worth losing your pride, sanity, a few brain cells, and maybe your job for . . .

Yeah, that . . .

Dude, that ain't gold.

I didn't think the 49ers were going to just hand us the game last night. They have some great players on the team. There's also a reason people liked Alex Smith coming out of college, if they could just get some big meatheads in front of him so he didn't get his ass handed to him every night, things would be groovy. In theory. The reality is that the pieces just aren't fitting together out there. And Mike having an aneurysm on the field every week isn't making anyone drive the crazy train out of San Fran. But seriously, there were some horrible calls out there. Stanky awful.

And that makes me feel better. Yes, I'm totally deflecting. It's better then throwing out bullshit excuses about the wind or whining about losing Bush. I'm not even jumping back on the Hartley redemption wagon either. Fuck that. It's week two. That show ain't over yet.

The reality is that if both teams were playing at the top of their game, it was going to be a tough battle. Neither was quite there, so it was even-fucking-steven anyway. The important thing is that, once again, the Saints weren't red hot, and they still found a way to win.

Somebody better buy Courtney Roby a nice, fat steak for me. Love that kid. Have I mentioned that before? It bears repeating. Weekly. Get used to it.

The Smell of Greatness

2010-09-11T15:51:00.000-06:00

Don't worry, even though the game felt a lot like this all night . . .

image by Michael DeMocker

. . . a head up the ass is nothing to worry about. In the end, Evans and the Saints came out on top.

I think we're all pretty much in agreement in our excitement over how they won the game. Last year, all we heard was how the Saints were just lucky. Well, luck didn't win shit Thursday night. And they won anyway. With good old-fashioned defense to boot. Everyone stepped up. It was a thing of beauty.

And I, for one, am perfectly happy with the one run out of the first 22 plays. So freaking what? They manhandled the Vikings. Who cares how they did it? They started the game with their strengths and got the crowd involved from the start. Did they want to start three and out like the Vikings? Hell no. And so what if the offense wasn't spectacular for the entire game? They will be. The point is that they won anyway. No pouting on the sideline. Well, except for maybe Hartley. And no, I'm not going to waste much time talking about him, because we've seen this shit before. Only those who jumped on the bandwagon late last season should be surprised by those misses. We had two years of this shit. Don't get amnesia just because the guy made a couple of critical playoff kicks.

As much as I would like to, I can't let this post slip by without one comment about how Favre handled himself in this game. And no, I'm not talking about that defeated look on his face as he walked into the Dome before the game even started. I'm talking about how he bitched and moaned after every bad play. Yes, Harvin ran the wrong route. Yes, you threw it in the right spot. But you know what? Maybe if you would have showed up at camp and worked with these young guys a little and worked some of this shit out with them ahead of time, that bad play might not have happened. A real leader who wants to lead his team to the Super Bowl would know that and would have taken equal responsibility for those botched plays.

Shut up, grow up, and get your shit together, ass nugget.

Week 1 Watch Card

2010-09-09T12:16:00.000-06:00

As if we needed a reason to get excited about this game.

Here's my short list of what I'm interested to see tonight . . .

Run Defense - The has been an issue for the Saints in the past, and I would be willing to put money on Adrian Peterson not fumbling like he did last time. The dude plays amazing opening games. They're going to run the ball. A lot. Never fear, it will take them longer to run the game than it will for us to pass it . . . no problem outscoring them there. Still, I'm hoping they don't show this chink in their armor to the rest of the league in the first big game.

Linebackers - Scott Fujita will be missed. Let's see how these guys step up to fill that void.

Injuries - I think I'm most concerned about Tracy Porter. They really can't afford for him to make a slow return to the game. And I know they're downplaying Anthony Harogrove's knee fluid issues, but this could be a much bigger problem than they're letting on. Maybe not this game, though. That dude will play until his leg falls off. Especially this game.

Favre on the ground - Oh, it's an easy pick, sure, but it can't be ignored. I don't think he has the passion in him to win this game. He came back because his ego wants to be The Guy who wins a Super Bowl for his team. He just wants to survive this game. You can see it in his eyes.

Malcolm Jenkins - I think I'm most excited to see him play tonight. They always planned to move him to safety, so this is his time to shine. Watching footage from last year, he's going to do just fine. We may not see the interceptions we did with Sharper (they're completely different players), but he hits harder, and I'm excited to see him drop Adrian and Brett a few times.

Who Dat!

I've got goose pimples just thinking about it!

Buckle Up, Saints Fans

2010-09-08T05:00:00.010-06:00

In case you still weren't sure, I don't give a rat's ass about that last game. Except the whole losing Casillas thing. But I can't focus on that, or I'll make myself sick. (Ok, too late.)
Time to look ahead.

Buckle up. The season starts today.

America's Game tonight.
Viking slaughter tomorrow night.

The Preseason Game in Which I Care

2010-09-01T05:00:00.012-06:00

First things first. Despite what that title says, I don't care about the score. I never care about the preseason score. I don't care about preseason wins or losses either. I don't even care how much they whoop up on the other team during the first half. (Although, I must admit, it's really nice to see it.) That's not what preseason is about.

It's about who shows up when their ass is on the line.

It's about Leigh Torrence and Usama Young screwing up royally, then shaking off the stink and proving that they aren't gonna pull a Reggie and wander around the field with their heads up their asses the rest of the game.

MICHAEL DeMOCKER / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

It's about Chris Ivory showing he can push through a pile, stiff-arm a guy, and make fantastic cuts all in the same run. Because he'll need to when Pierre gets hurt. And he will. He always does. Nice to know there's an Ivory back there in the wings.

It's about Michael Jenkins reminding us he can hit. And he will. And every little thing . . . it's gonna be alright.

It's about depth. Because you can't win a Super Bowl (*ahem* another Super Bowl) without it.

And hey, let's face it, that 500+ yards of offense ain't bad either.

Also, a quick farewell to Troy Evans, the other Harper, and their three buddies, who got released this week. Better now than later, I guess, when you'll have nowhere to go. Sucks to cut last year's special teams captain, but we always seem to have way too much depth at that position during preseason. So much for my rebound linebacker.

Blame it on the Andygator

2010-08-26T05:00:00.014-06:00

I committed a cardinal sin. At least in my book. I watched a Saints game in a public venue.

Now, half of you probably read that and thought, Ugh, no! Say it ain't so!

But the rest of you are reading the first couple of lines over again to see if you missed the joke. You didn't. If you don't already know, I hate watching football games with other people. Especially people I don't know. You never know if the guy next to you is going to talk about that imaginary chick he went out with last weekend or if the idiot behind you will continuously point out cute articles of clothing during an 80-yd drive to win the game. Really, it's for their sake I stay home. Because in no universe can I tolerate that during a game.

But, as I've said before, preseason doesn't count. And since I couldn't catch the game live on DirecTV anyway, why the hell not. I sat in a bar and did as the people do. I cheered, I drank beer, and I missed quite a few things. I blame it all on the Andygator.

So I got nothing for you. I remember it seemed like there was a lot more hitting going on, and some young guys looked pretty good, but I could be wrong. Like I said, I missed a lot. I was in *shudder* public.

Due to my ignorance on the game, I will leave you with a couple of good wishes for some old(ish) faces.

* Jake Delhomme - Everyone I talk to is so glad Jake's getting a second chance. Good for Jake, they say. He deserves it. I don't know what he does or doesn't deserve. I do know that I want to like the guy (cant help support a local boy, right?), and he had more than his fair share of support around here even when he was out sleeping with the enemy. Now that he's gone, I have the same opinion I've always had: The guy needs to grow a pair and stop throwing a hissy fit every time he doesn't complete a pass. 'Cause dude, it's not always the receiver's fault. Suck it up. That said, I'm glad he's getting a second (wait, I think that's a fourth) chance to prove himself up in Cleveland. Maybe a little of Fujita's class will rub off on him. We can only hope.

* Javon Walker - Remember how I wanted to put up "I heart Javon" signs in the yard after both Jake and Kevin were in the same SuperBowl and everyone around here said "Kevin who?" Personally, I support all of our local guys. This year, I'm getting an "I dig Ike" sign made. Just watch. Anyway, I wasn't a fan of how Javon Walker handled his contract in Green Bay (we won't even mention my distaste for all things Rosenhaus), but I really felt bad for the guy when he got hurt after all that. He's had a rough few years, but, like Jake, I'm glad he's getting another shot in Minnesota. My guess is that Mr. "You're Selfish and Ruining the Game by Skipping Camp" might need an extra shake of salt to swallow that big, redneck foot of his with Javon on his team again. He'll just have to pull up his Wranglers and suck it up like a big boy. I think J.W. gets the last laugh on this one. Let's hope he doesn't fuck it up this time.

5 Reasons Not to Give a Crap About Preseason

2010-08-20T05:00:00.010-06:00

The Saints are back! How can you not be posting more often???

The answer is simple.
I just don't give a crap.

No, I haven't lost my mind. Of course I care about our beloved boys in black and gold. Don't be ridiculous. But I really don't give a crap about preseason. Here's why:

1. Sean Payton's known for playing this game like a gunslinger at a chess match. Do you want him blowing everyone away with his ballsy calls and fancy plays during preseason? When it doesn't freaking count? (I will beat you senseless if you answer that question incorrectly.)

2. People get hurt. Without contracts sometimes. They lose jobs. Or the chance to get a job. It sucks ass. (Luckily for Hamilton, he's still with the team on IR. Other guys aren't so lucky.)

3. Because Gregg Williams doesn't give a crap about winning in preseason either, we get to watch our corners give every freaking receiver a ten yard cushion. Love that. Can't get enough of it. Grrr . . .

4. I hate watching special teams suck. It happens every year. The scrubs are battling it out for a shot at mediocrity. It's like watching Ross of Friends make an idiot of himself every single week. It's painful and I never need to watch it. But even worse than that was the fact that this particular group seemed especially stinky. Seriously, the best tackle I saw the whole first half came from the punter. And he got hurt. See number two above.

5. I hope they lose every preseason game. Worked for the Colts. Just saying. No really, do you really want them to go 4-0 through preseason and put an even bigger target on their backs after that Super Bowl win? (Again, choose your answer wisely. I will find you.)

Rickey Jackson Drinking Game

2010-08-07T19:19:00.000-06:00

Let it be known, I love me some Rickey. You know I love a badass linebacker, and it doesn't get more badass than Rickey Jackson and the Dome Patrol. That said, I learned a few interesting things during today's HOF induction ceremony:

1. Tom Benson still can't believe the Saints had a winning season much less won the Super Bowl.

2. Back in Rickey's hometown (Drink!), "you could grow vegetables and stuff."

3. Benson makes a tasty turd. Just ask Rickey. He's all up in that shit. According to Rickey, he should be in the HOF when the Saints win the SB again this year. ("when" being my personal addition)

4. We need to keep football from gettin' away from us. Whatever that means. I think I know what you mean, Rickey. And I'm with you on that one. But dude, you kind of lost me at "vegetables."

5. The Saints have a Super Bowl win and a player in the Hall of Fame. Excuse me while I go pinch myself a few more times.

Congrats to Rickey and Crew.
Much Love.

Rebound

2010-08-04T05:05:00.001-06:00

Continued from the previous post, here is my #5 sighting from Monday morning's training camp session.
Now, I am in no way over my grief. And there's no freaking way Ingram is off the hook. Not in this universe. But hey, I think I am I entitled a rebound linebacker:

Come on.

You know you have a man crush, too.

And just because I'm still on my training camp high, here's a little leftover Fujita-film for you.
You can thank me later.

Sightings

2010-08-02T20:02:00.000-06:00

Despite my scorched shoulders the hoard of whiny fans who were just asking to get a Rant Slap upside their heads for complaining about not getting enough autographs because by golly these players owe them that, I am one happy Saints fan. After years of disappointing near misses, I finally got my taste of training camp. And oh, my friends, it was sweet. Not even the bandwagon brats could bring me down today. In honor of my happiness, I'm sharing my top five sightings from the morning. None of them have anything to do with any particular plays or catches or any single effort (or lack thereof). It's about atmosphere. And heart. And a team. And damn it, I'm just sharing the love.

1. Morstead is a beast. How can you complain about the team practicing on the other side of the field when you get to watch this guy slamming balls through the ozone?

Seriously, the guy's all leg. Look at him. . .

. . . but wait . . . what's that in the background? Oh, right. It's my #2.

2. It's your WTF moment and my Nightmare on Airline: (click the photo to enlarge)

Yep, that's a 55, folks.

Hey, Clint.

Congratulations.

You just made my shit list.

It's going to be a long season, buddy.

(Sorry, it couldn't be all hippie shit and rainbows today, now could it?)

3. I met up with Chef Who Dat and had the opportunity to chat a little about the slap in the face that is #2 (see above). He brought little Cafe Swag with him, and I'm glad I got a chance to meet him in person. Thanks, Chef!

4. The players get it too. Despite the heat, many of them head over to the sidelines after practice to sign autographs, chat with fans, and make a kid or two's day.

And they do it with a smile. How the fuck can you complain about that?

5. I have one last sighting to share, but it's best left for a post of its own. Stay tuned . . .

Rant Camp 2010

2010-07-31T18:36:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I had a good rant over here. Honestly, there just hasn't been much to bitch about (aside from losing my favorite player, but we won't speak of that today). The team's in great shape. We have a great coach sitting pretty on the bestsellers list and damn it if I don't wanna play beer pong and listen to the guy drop f-bombs all night. That leaves us with training camp. My own personal rant-training session. And no, I'm not gonna bitch about the heat.

2AM.

Are you fucking serious?

Finally . . . FINALLY my kids are old enough, the team's back home, and I have the opportunity to slip out for an hour or so Monday morning to watch some of my favorite people prepare to do what they do best. Finally. And what do I get for my patience? Fucking lines of people waiting at 2AM for the gates to open at 8:30.

Sure, I probably shouldn't bitch about that, right? Of course there's a crowd. It's because our team won the Super Bowl. And everyone wants to show their appreciation and support and blah, blah, blah. Where were you people before? Would you be there if the team had gone 3-13? Because I can say, without a scrap of doubt or hesitation, that I would. Why, when I finally get my chance, do I have to share the stands with a bunch of bandwagon bums?

Too harsh?

Too bad.

I'm trying to suck it up so I can enjoy Monday morning. Maybe I should smile and welcome these people, some of whom couldn't name two players on the team a year ago. Maybe I should embrace and welcome them and resist the urge to kick them out of the stands and off our wagon. Or maybe I'm just not that big of a person.

So if you see me scowling under the Monday morning sun, it's not because Devery tweaked an ankle or Colston's still riding a bike. It's more likely due to the idiot next to me.

Still, I wouldn't miss this for the world.

Jammal Brown Out, Abita SOS In

2010-06-24T14:49:00.003-06:00

Yes, dear Saints friends, I am still in mourning. #55 will be sorely missed on this team, but we are extremely happy for the whole Fujita family. Really, it was an incredible opportunity. If the Saints had matched it I'd have said they were bat shit Al Davis crazy. And Fujita would have been insane to turn that down, no matter how much they adored this city and team. We understand. It just sucks. So, congrats to the Fujita clan. Oh, and while you're up there, tell Jake we said stop pouting and show some Cajun pride, will ya?

Moving on for a brief break in our time of mourning . . .

As many of you already know, I'm no fan of Jammal Brown. Personally, I have no beef with the guy, but I've been itching to get him off this team for over a year. I was actually a bit excited when he went on IR for the whole season, because then the team HAD to see if Bushrod could pull his own weight for an entire season. And that he did, folks. At a much lighter price tag, too.

There's a lot of talk about how the Saints screwed themselves in this deal, getting just a 4th rd. pick for the guy, but I disagree. First round pick. Pro Bowl. Get over it. This is a "What have you done for me lately?" league. As it should be. They don't pay people for what they did three years ago, and they don't pay people for what they might do two years from now IF by some miracle they don't get injured again (ok, unless their name begins with a Reggie and ends with a Bush). Yes, it's an uncapped year, but money is money. Plus, it will be capped again, and I don't want his paycheck to keep this team from filling another needed position. Not if we can get a guy like Bushrod, who's a fantastic asset and a lot cheaper than that first round price tag. (Plus, way cooler name. Go on, admit you love shouting it every Sunday. I do.)

And damn it. I was going to get seriously ill if one freaking dime of what could have been #55's money went to Brown this year. I'm just saying.

In other news . . .

Abita Brewing Co. has announced that they are launching a new brew in July that will be called SOS (Save Our Shore) in an effort to support restoration of Louisiana's Gulf Coast. $.75 from each bottle sold will go to the SOS fund. Abita was a strong supporter after Katrina with their Restoration Ale, and you can count on them to be instrumental in this recovery as well.

Visit their site at Abita SOS to learn more or purchase SOS merchandise. Also, be sure to visit their 5 Ways to Do More page to learn simple ways you can support the Louisiana fishing industry.

Drink a beer, save the coast.
It's a win-win, right?

It's so hard to say goodbye

2010-03-08T07:07:00.000-06:00

Right after we hear my certain favorite linebacker is dropping down an assload of cash on coastal improvements, we then hear that he's headed for, uh, greener pastures. Can you say Cleveland is greener pastures? Uh, no. Maybe the actual grass is greener. In like one spot where nobody sees it. But you can't believe he wanted to leave New Orleans. I can't. Not after everything we've heard from him. That must have been one hell of a deal. And I'm sure Sean Payton (who brought him over there his first year here, after all) would have loved to keep him. The two always seem to have such a great relationship. But, like anything, it's a job and it's a business. I'll be interested to see the numbers.

You can read a few parting words Fujita left for the T-P here. Here's what he ends with:

"We're so thankful to Sean & Mickey for bringing us in to be a part of this great organization, and I'm eternally grateful to all the people of this city for embracing us from day one. We will never forget it. My wife just asked me to say that we will always come back to New Orleans. We promise."

And you know what? I don't doubt the sincerity of that for a second.

Still, you can imagine this is hard for me. And no, I'm not taking it well. Please send thoughts, prayers, and condolence cards as we work through this very difficult time.

Thanks, Cleveland. Way to make my shit list.

Now at least I have good reason to hate Man-gina.

Youch

2010-03-05T08:30:00.000-06:00

http://www.katc.com/news/panthers-release-jake-delhomme/

Despite giving the guy such a hard time over the years (really, my main beef has always been with the local community and how they forget we have other local boys to support as well . . . that and the constant whining and pouting on the field . . . seriously, I ave no patience for that), we do wish him the best and hope he finds a soft place to land.

Preferably another place where we can continue to beat the snot out of him twice a year.

Tampa, anyone?

Sharing the Love, Fujita Style

2010-02-13T18:57:00.000-06:00

One of the best things about this journey is that I get to enjoy it with her, someone who appreciates the connection and "gets it" like I do. Remember how cool Adrianne was in the Rocky movies? Well Jaclyn is my Adrianne. - Scott Fujita

Seriously, how could you not love a man who says things like that? Then again, he has a wife who gave him two of the most adorable little girls I've ever seen (with the exception of my own, of course) and who passes along emails like this one to her husband during Super Bowl week:

"The people of New Orleans love the Saints not because they provide a distraction from their fall, but because they are a reflection of their rise."

I absolutely love that quote.

If you haven't yet read all of Scott Fujita's diary of his Super Bowl week in Miami, get thee to this address:

http://www.nola.com/saints/index.ssf/2010/02/super_bowl_xliv_new_orleans_sa_1.html

Great stuff. If you're a sap or just in the V-day mood, it's got some wife and family love for ya, along with some really touching quotes and conversations with former coaches and players.
I laughed. I cried. And I thanked the football gods for my Saints once again.

Than you, Scott Fujita, for sharing your journey with us.

Celebrate

2010-02-10T07:53:00.000-06:00

Just a peak at the scene Sunday night after the Super Bowl. This isn't even New Orleans, just my little old town of Lafayette. I didn't see a time, but I'm guessing this is around ten o'clock in the Academy parking lot. There were similar scenes all over town. People coming out of their houses to celebrate in the street and in their driveways together. We didn't get out fast enough so the neighbors knocked on our door (I was a little slow making sure our screaming didn't wake the little one). They just wanted to celebrate with us quickly before taking the family patriarch to the hospital . . . not sure if they made him wait until the game was over to take him in or vice versa. Anyway, this clip is pretty long, so you can let it buffer then click somewhere around four minutes to see the crowd waiting to get in and just hanging out, celebrating with our Saints Family. Nice to be reminded of the sense of community down here. Reminds me that I would live anywhere else.

Happy Lombardi Gras!

2010-02-09T12:23:00.000-06:00

Congratulations to the team and I hope everyone enjoys the parade today! We were going to try to attempt an afternoon escape with the girls, but we've had to cancel that idea. The oldest has sensory issues and is already hyperventilating at the prospect of those crowds and all that noise, and the youngest one ran into a wall last night so we're still on "concussion watch" for twenty-four hours. The universe clearly wanted ours Saints to win but apparently had other ideas about me attending this parade. Oh well . . . that just means I'm DEFINITELY going to training camp now!

Thank You

2010-02-08T12:16:00.000-06:00

Thank you, New Orleans Saints.

Thank you to the players, coaches, staff, and management for putting your time, energy, and hearts into this season and every season.

Thank you to the fans, our family, for making the ride so much fun and for reminding us all that we are gracious losers AND winners.

Thank you.

Like so many of you, I was content being a fan of a mediocre team. I smiled at the end of an 8-8 season. I smiled at the end of a near winless season. Why? Because just being a Saints fan is a reward in itself. I love this moment. I love winning the Super Bowl. But all of this is lagniappe. And while we all love lagniappe, we'd still buy our groceries without it.

So, once again, thank you.
I'll always buy what you're selling, but thank you for this unbelievable something extra.

Much Ado About Nothing

2010-02-06T13:39:00.000-06:00

Let's see, what shall we dismiss first?

Oh, yes. The Colts invincibility. Because I don't know if they're waiting for the team to pee on the turf at the coin toss or roll over and offer their underbellies for scratching if the Colts pretty please promise not to hurt us with their greatness, but that's just not going to happen. That's not how we got here. And the Saints match up damn well against the Colts and just might be a better team regardless who wins tomorrow.

Second, I'm tired of everyone salivating over Dwight Freeney's ankle like Bill Clinton at a Cankle Pageant. Seriously, it doesn't matter. His backup has proven himself time and again, and the Saints aren't getting caught by a 'possum again this season. But just for shits and giggles, lets look at the numbers real quick, shall we?

Dwight Freeney 13.5 sacks, 1 forced fumble, 0 interceptions, 19 tackles

Will Smith 13 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, 1 interception, 36 tackles

Seems to me like the only one who should be pissed about the Dwight Freeney story is Will Smith. Because no one is talking about him, and numbers don't lie. Then again, I'm sure Will is content to show the all who''s the better end on Sunday.

Next up on the list of things we shouldn't care about . . . the Saints "dirty" defense. No one gave a rat's ass about Gregg Williams and his dirty/nasty defensive ideals before he came to the Saints. And folks, he didn't pull this aggressive attitude out of nowhere this year. Teams have been running scared of his teams for years, an no one complained until now. Until the Saints made it to the Super Bowl. And even now, the only ones (besides the media who you can't blame for scrambling for stories with such a "boring" matchup this year . . . no drama? Let's make some up!) who think that going after the quarterback is a "dirty" tactic are Colts fans who are afraid their precious Porcelain Peyton might get a scratch. Even the players who were on the receiving end of Gregg Williams' defenses think the notion is ridiculous. And they'd be right.

Also, I've given up caring about Dallas Clark. I'll just cross my fingers that Jenkins' hamstring holds out, and if it doesn't, well, someone else will step up. They get enough practice working out against Shockey. I'm sure they can handle Clark.

And yet . . . I'm still salivating . . . Much ado about something here. . .

Sedrick Ellis vs. Jeff Saturday

A battle of epic proportions. I'm looking for another nice Peyton meltdown on the sidelines, only this time Saturday gets up, throws a shoulder at his qb, and tells him, "Block this!" But seriously, this just might be the key to the game. Because if they get any kind of pressure on Peyton from up the middle, he'll throw it away. That means a whole lot of three-and-outs. Which in turn means we get to run the ball a lot more. And I like those odds.

Who'd Have Thunk It

2010-02-03T13:42:00.001-06:00

The discussion of the day on NFL network:

Is the Saint's defense dirty?

Wow. So, some of us (the few true believers) could see even throughout last year how close this team was to the Superbowl. Playoffs??? But this season proves just how close they were. Despite that final record. But while we believed in this team, I don't think any of us could have predicted that THAT would be the discussion of the day during Super Bowl week. We knew Gregg Williams would improve the defense. We knew Darren Sharper would help that turnover ratio. But dirty? Aggressive? Wow.

(AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)

Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled for the line. They're having a great year. And as much shit as I gave Will Smith last year, apparently the injuries were bugging him more than we realized, and he's having a great year now. Sedge is back. And with our corners stepping up this year, that frees up Harper to get in on the attack too. So it all makes sense. In theory. But to hear people call the Saints dirty? That they're hitting too hard? Holy crap. Unbelievable.

Looking back for a quick second at the last game. If I think about it too much, it scares the crap out of me. But let's think about it logically. The defense gave up yards, because they were playing aggressively. That's the game plan and in the end it worked. We, as emotionally attached fans, need to watch how much fried food we eat on Sunday so we aren't all watching the second half from the emergency room or the cardiac floor of our local hospitals. As for the offense . . . I know they're fighting injuries still. Understood. However, I know I'm not the only one who had issues with the play calling. Yes, I still have big love for Payton. (That's Payton with an A. Don't forget it.) So I'm going to have to chalk that game up to the cold meds or whatever he took for that cold that was clouding his head. Maybe all the plays were jumbled up on the Ihop menu. I don't know. I'm just looking ahead now and figuring that's going to get worked out. Which means, this should be a very exciting game. Let them talk about the Colts. Let them call us underdogs. Let them call us "dirty."

I love it all.

Super Bowl XLIV: Anticipating Matchups

2010-02-02T14:07:00.000-06:00

So let's talk some actual football here, shall we?

Of course, as you would expect, I'm looking forward to another quarterback smash up like the rest of you. My obvious choice is a Fujita hit on Manning, but I'll take another Sharper or Porter pick or a solid hit from Harper or Smith or whoever gets back there. And, as we all know, Bobby McCray likes putting licks on QB's like a kid putting licks on an ice cream cone.

All of those would be nice (they WILL be nice), but that's not what has my curiosity peaked at the moment. I won't say "concern," because I believe this team will work it out. But there is an interesting matchup that I'm waiting to see play out.

Forget Reggie Wayne (for just a moment). Forget freaking Freeney and all of that drama (oh please not another Ware situation, but I just saw that ankle . . . um, no . . . that boy's lucky he's walking). Even if Freeney plays (and plays well) they'll give Bushrod some help just like they did last week. Forget about it. Forget Garçon and Manning and everyone else.

I'm interested to see how they cover Dallas Clark.

Oh sure, I remember all the Wes Welker talk. And I remember them covering him pretty well. But wasn't that with Jenkins as that extra floater? Jenkins, who probably still won't be in top shape this Sunday and who hasn't made an impact since . . . oh . . . Welker? I'm not saying they can't cover Dallas Clark. Not at all. But that's the matchup I'm looking for. I'm interested to see exactly how they'll take care of him.

Your turn.
Which matchup are you looking forward to seeing this weekend?

Mellowing My Who Dat Heart

2010-01-31T15:57:00.000-06:00

With the governor giving the call to arms and the NFL backpedalling on its Who Dat crusade against independent sellers, Saints fans are breathing a satisfied sigh of relief. But the fight is far from over, you can be sure of that. To drive the point home, please continue to boycott all NFL licensed Who Dat apparel.

As we wind down week one of Super Bowl XLIV prep, I'd like to end the lazy Sunday on a lighter note. Really, I could watch Saints highlights and montages all week long. This one in particular feels appropriate today. Enjoy, Who Dat Nation!

WHO DAT say they gonna take my shirt?

2010-01-29T08:43:00.000-06:00

What, you didn't like me in a fog of shock and disbelief?

Well, you got me out of it, NFL.

Congratulations.

In fact, you have the attention of the whole WHO DAT Nation.

I hope you're prepared.

Because this . . .

http://www.luxist.com/2008/11/12/alyssa-milano-designs-for-nfl-fans/

. . . wasn't bad enough.

Now the NFL (yeah, you know what it stands for), is trying to piss their claim on things that were never theirs to begin with, things that have become more than a chant or a symbol for a team.

They're symbols of

a city, a region, a culture.

It's our chant.

It's our fleur de lis.

Back.

The.

Fuck.

Off.

Dreams Do Come True . . . Down in New Orleans

2010-01-27T13:53:00.000-06:00

"Brett Favre is a great story, but the New Orleans Saints are a better story." - Scott Fujita

We've been saying that for years, right? Now, finally, people are listening.

It's only fitting that the game went down the same way almost every game during the regular season went down. Lots of drama, plenty of excitement, and a state in disbelief for days to follow.

Didn't we script this game at the beginning of the season? In our wildest dreams, could this season have turned out more . . . perfect? Right away, game starts, Fujita nails Favre. Seriously??? You KNOW I nearly lost my mind right from that first drive. My Fujita. On Favre. Closure? You bet your ass. I dreamt of that moment for the entire season. Waited patiently (ok, not so much with the patience, but you get the idea) for the championship game. And there it was. Dreams do come true. . . . down in New Orleans. (Speaking of that quote . . . Is it ALSO fitting that Disney puts out the first hand animated movie in ages and sets it in New Orleans at the end of THIS season? I like to think so.)

Like the rest of you, I'm sick of hearing how Minnesota gave the game away. Oh, I'm not going to argue that they didn't royally screw themselves, but I would like to remind everyone that most of those were forced fumbles. Our guys punched the ball out, because it was our ball. Our house. Our game. They were just taking back what was rightfully there's to begin with. And let's just remember there were some screwy calls both ways. The only one I'll mention is the call on McCray. If you hand off the ball, get in a guy's way, and lower your shoulder, you are officially a blocker. Prepare for your beatdown. I don't care how old and gimpy you are. Take your licks and shut it.

What I love the most about that game is that they didn't win it the way everyone expected. The likes of Fujita, Porter, Hargrove, and Roby (so glad he wasn't hurt badly) saved the game. Can't you just hear half the country going, "WHO" I'll tell you who . . . OUR boys, that's who.

“This community means so much to me. This is where my children were born. This is where my career was reborn. To all the people of New Orleans: We love you. We thank you and I’m proud to represent you in the Super Bowl.” - Scott Fujita

No, Scott, thank you. Thank you all.

And you know what? Even if the game hadn't turned out the way it did, I'd still be saying, "Thanks." We all would. Because that's what makes Saints fans so special, and why I'm proud to be in that number.

Breaking the Favre

2010-01-26T15:43:00.001-06:00

NFL officials held an emergency meeting Monday morning, to discuss yet another important rule change

Roughing the Brady shall henceforth be referred to as Breaking the Favre.

More rule-changes are expected as our New Orleans Saints continue to knock aging quarterbacks into retirement.

Stay tuned as the poppy field induced high wears off and I gather my wits for a proper post. In the meantime . . . wow.
Just.

WOW.

Field of Freaking Dreams

2010-01-21T16:25:00.001-06:00

So this is my home, sweet home this week.

Here, in my field of flowers, nothing can touch me.

No tweaked ankle on my Meachem, no boot on my slightly crazed but proven tight end, no rumors about one of my two favorite safeties limping after practice with ice strapped to his knee.

Do you see any of that in my temporary home?

Nope.

Is it fitting that my home is not just any field of flowers, but a field of POPPY flowers?

You bet your ass it is.

But aren't we all a little high right now?

Haven't we earned that right as Saints fans?

But wait . . .

Poppy field or not, screw the Vikings. Does Adrian Peterson scare this team? Nope. Stuffed his ass already. Easy peasy. Jared Allen? He's got my respect, but don't let all those sacks fool you. He got most of those in one awful game against Green Bay.

Surely you aren't scared of one measly old scruffy-looking, pill-popping, refluxy redneck.

Speaking of that tool, we've come a long way, baby. THIS is the game I've been waiting for. THIS is a game of closure for me. This will be the game where we introduce that infamous ex of mine to the NEW Mr. Saints Rants:

That's right, bring the wood, baby!

Can you just SEE it already?
Fuji on Favre, the knockdown special of the day!

*sigh*

Like I said, until Sunday, this is where you'll find me. Carefree and frolicking. Game on, bitches!

Mr. Noodle's Other Brother

2010-01-18T09:41:00.000-06:00

Oh, how I've waited all year for this showdown.
Let the smack talking commence . . .

For those of you not in the know on all things Sesame, there's a certain character named Mr. Noodle.

He is not important.

But I'd like for you to meet Mr. Noodle's Brother,

Mr. Noodle.

Now let me introduce Mr. Noodle's other brother . . .

Mr. Brad Childress.

Bring it on, Noodle Boy.

You and your whole noodle-loving crew . . .

Bring.

It.

I Gotta Feeling . . .

2010-01-15T12:51:00.000-06:00

Yep, that's The Peas playing in my head this week. Because things are just working out. As much as I love Aaron Rodgers and the Packers, I wasn't looking forward to seeing that particular team. But we got out wish. We get the Cards. And Deuce is in the house. I'm not so delusional as to expect him to get any carries, but even with all our running backs healthy, his pickup is pure genius. I'm excited to have him back in his rightful place, but even more than that I'm just giddy over the move by Payton and Loomis. What better way to get the home crowd fired up than to have Good Ol' Deuce waving from the sideline? Home field advantage, indeed. Genius.

Everything is coming up black and gold this week.

Got my new gear ready to go . . .

. . . and it's even Black and Gold day at school . . .

. . . that's right . . . that's The Finger.

You see that, Cards? You're next!!!

Hold the Phone . . . Clooney at QB

2010-01-03T09:01:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year, Saints Fans! And what a wonderful time of year it is. No, I haven't been huffing the yule log vapors. It's time for a fresh start for all of us. And since our beloved team has worked so hard all season long (well, most of it) they have earned a 3 week reprieve from out criticism. Oh, yes, I'm completely serious.

Let us not forget, despite the last several performances, that this team is 13-2. They easily top their division, and they rightfully lead their conference. Let us not forget. They have earned this.

But let us also not forget, as the team looks ahead and makes their roster adjustments for this "bonus" game, to thank Magic Mike for saving our asses and coming through for this team as he always has.

Thank you, Mike McKenzie. Much love, always.

And joy of joys, in this game of resting starters, I STILL get a game worth watching.

Merry Clinchmas, Who Dats!

2009-12-22T18:07:00.000-06:00

In the spirit of the holiday season, I'll forgo all ranting this week.

No, really.

I could get into a lot of things . . . My kingdom for a fullback! . . . or . . . Sean Payton says, "Hey Carney, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out . . . oh, and Merry f-ing Christmas too!" (jeez, Coach) . . . or . . . Hey, whoever makes a decent tackle gets paid in . . . GUM!!!! . . . but I'm not going to go there today.

Nope. Because it's Clinchmas, folks. We have the bye. With Minnesota imploding too, it smells like homefield advantage too. Rest, my weary heroes. Well, kick some Buc ass first, but then rest.

In the meantime, in the spirit of welcoming back two of my favorites - Fujita and Porter, duh - I present you with a little piece of Clinchmas Cheer.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Ok, so I have TWO pieces of Clinchmas cheer. Because I couldn't decide if I liked Scott thrusting across the screen or Roby and his serious break dance face better. And I swear Porter and Harper have the same exact smile.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to the whole Who Dat Nation!!!

No, I will not mention Hartley in this post.

2009-12-16T18:57:00.001-06:00

Another craptastic showing for the black and gold this past weekend. Quick thoughts . . .

* Reggie Bush, after not expecting much from him coming off injury, wowed us. The good stuff, I mean. The drops don't surprise any of you anymore, do they? Yeah, I didn't think so. But you can bet money that Drew's gonna put that ball back in his hands either in the very next play or the one right after that. I mean it. Bet money next game. I would, but my husband has figured out that's a sucker bet. And the kids don't have anything I want. Except maybe the big one's new boots. But they aren't in my size, so what's the point.

* Vilma. Ya gotta love Vilma. Definite stud status this week. How does this guy always make the key plays just when we need them.

* What did I think of THAT play? Meh. It didn't surprise me nor did it bother me. Is that so wrong? Maybe that's just because Brunell is my Clooney. But if he keeps hesitating like that, he's going down. Like down in #4 flames. You hear that Mark Clooney? Shape up! We see you so little, can you please get your shit together for five minutes? Huh?

* The injury list is ridiculous. I know every team is beat up at this point, but it seems like we're always playing backups and even our backups are playing injured. But if this is what we do even with an injury list that rivals the play list? Football gold.

* I HATE that Redman looked good. Just like I hate that every rookie/backup/comeback QB we've played looked good. But eventually you have to get past the anger and look at the pattern. It's there. And at this point it's pretty clear. Williams doesn't flash his A game those weeks. He doesn't have to. If you can beat him without blitzing, why do it? Well, everything in me says, "Because we want to kill those bastards!!! Because we want to make that little punk ass pay for even thinking he can stand up with the likes of US!" But the reasonable side of me (yes, I have one. It's teeny tiny, but it's there) has to agree. Let them think we're weak. Let them think we can't handle the likes of Chris Redman or the Atlanta Falcons minus Michael Turner. Let them believe. Then . . . we crush them. (Yes, Dallas, I'm looking at YOU!

* I remember back in the day, when I'd bitch every week because we weren't getting any replay love. Can I have those days back, please? Because now we're getting on NFL Replay every damn week because the games are coming down to the freaking wire. It sucks. It sucks royally. But 13-0 feels damn good. Ya' know what's gonna feel even better?

Oh yeah, you know what.

No?

Lemme know if you get a clue after Saturday night.

Open Letter

2009-12-13T10:03:00.000-06:00

Dear Facebook,

No, I would not like to befriend Jake Delhomme. Please stop suggesting this. And while we're on the subject, I'm offended that by now you still don't know me well enough to suggest Saints instead of Jake freaking Delhomme. Completely offended.

Also, while I watch the Saints trample the Falcons, I WILL also pull for New England to propel Jake as the clear interception leader for the season.

Deal with it.

Sincerely,
Saints Rants Mistress Michelle

Gleeful Breesful

2009-12-10T13:09:00.000-06:00

All you closet Glee watchers rejoice! You have a new leader.

And I'm with my husband, four types of oysters and no muffaletta??? What gives, Drew? Even if you have to go no cheese, give some olive salad love, will ya?

Brushing off the poo

2009-12-07T10:49:00.000-06:00

Pain. That about sums it up. Because there wasn't much going right yesterday. Oh, sure Payton called that genius time out (really what other choice did he have?) and Vilma got an interception. And then there was Meachem. Lovely, shiny Meachem. I take it all back. You hear me? I take it all back. Between Meachem and Jenkins, the future is bright. Put those shades on, bitches. But other than that . . . good freaking grief. Even Morestead played like poo. Big stinky poo piles everywhere.

Raise your hand if you think Payton would drop all three kickers if he thought he could get away with it. Seriously, did anyone else think Payton was going to flat out REFUSE to kick that ball in overtime? After they threw the ball on 3rd and 5 in field goal range, there was no way I was buying it when he brought Hartley out on 1st and 10 right after that. So later, I really didn't think he was going to attempt that 18 yd field goal. I really was waiting for Drew and krewe to come back out and shove a touchdown run down their throats.

But I learned something yesterday that made me giggle.
A lot.
I learned that someone on that field dislikes kickers (at least the dumb ass shrimpy ones) almost as much as Coach Payton. That would be Carl Nicks. After a kick (I don't remember if it was the field goal or extra point) in that horrible first half, Hartley accepted all the congratulatory high fives and ass pats from his special teammates, but someone just wasn't paying attention. So Shrimpy followed Nicks and held out his fist to smack potatoes with him or give him some dap or whatever the ritalin junkie midget kids are calling it these days. But Nicks was annoyed. Nicks had just fought through a painful drive for three freaking points. Nicks didn't want to be bothered by the annoying twit kicker. He kept walking and ignored Hartley. Hartley persisted and tapped Nicks on the arm, holding his fist out again. And I swear, Nicks might have given him some halfass dap, but it really looked like he swatted him away. It was a thing of beauty.

But back to Meachem. Because I could watch this all day. That boy ripped that ball out like a seasoned defender. No hesitation. And since the Saints are 12-0, I want to make sure we end on a high note here. Brush off the poo and enjoy the win, folks!

New Orleans Love

2009-12-06T11:42:00.000-06:00

While we're waiting for today's game, I wanted to put up a quick post to say just how much I love New Orleans. You see, I haven't been back since we've had kids (six years now), and I've really been missing it. Yesterday, we threw the kids in the car and surprised them with a day trip downtown. We had to miss the Christmas parade (walked right past it) because our oldest has noise issues, but after several hours of squealing through the aquarium (and a whole lot of toddler wrangling - like herding cats, only harder) we headed for the quarter. It was beautiful. And everywhere you looked, fleur bling and saints gear. But the best part . . . on the way in, we noticed something extra special. Every flashing sign, every window, had this posted . . .

11-0

Gotta love New Orleans.

It took everything I had not to call every number on every poster that said "Apartment for Rent."

The Gate is Wide

2009-12-03T11:41:00.000-06:00

Did any of us see that coming?
I mean . . . wow.
Just . . . wow.

We knew this team. We knew it was possible. But we hadn't seen this kind of performance yet this season. It was beautiful. And guess what? Fujita posed for me. Yes, for me.

ELIOT KAMENITZ / THE TIMES PICAYUNE

Beautiful, right?

And with Hawkman and Predator out there, what could possibly go wrong?

AP Photo/Dave Martin

I heard a lot of talk about how amazing McKenzie's comeback was, and I don't want to downplay that . . . BUT (yes, I'm the queen of the but) let's not forget a couple of things. First, he had a lot to prove, so of course he was going to play up to his potential. And second, let's remember where he came from. (Green Bay) And who he was covering out there at least part of the time (Randy Moss). And let's remember where Randy Moss used to play (Minnesota). The Predator knew the game when he stepped on that field. It was his time to shine and he did.

And Hawkman? I smell a record. Just wait.

And that hit on Kevin Faulk? Ouch!!! We knew Sharper was fast and had an eye for the ball, but I never expected hits like that out of him. Sorry, Kevin. Much love from home, buddy!

The best was that when I turned on the tv first thing Tuesday morning, I saw this again:

Seriously, I still crack up.

But Drew and Krewe proved Monday night that the gate is wide freaking open.
And if they can't fit their big ass float through it this season, then, well, they'll have to live with that.
Because this year, the gate is WIDE!!!

Let the Smack Talk Begin

2009-11-24T14:51:00.000-06:00

I'm sneaking away from the writing to do a short post (yes, this one will be short, promise) looking ahead at next Monday Night's SMACKDOWN of EPIC proportions. Can you just hear Gruden already??? I can't wait. And to go into this week after a win that didn't make me want to upchuck my Abita (blasphemy, I know, but you know how these games have been), even with the loss of both friggin' starting corners? Awesome.

Hell, I'm over the whole 10-0 thing. Well, yeah, if feels good, but it's just a number. What we've seen ain't "perfect" so why don't we just throw that word out the window, please. And I'm over the stupid schedule . . . aside from the stupid early bye (which I'll NEVER get over), I'm really ticked about the spacing of divisional games. Really, can we make a freaking balanced schedule? Huh? Don't give me that crap about how hard it is. I've worked in schools. You try scheduling kid's classes, and then talk to me about difficult scheduling. There aren't that many freaking teams. And you'd have a lot less trouble if you kept just 2-3 weeks reserved for byes. I'm just saying. Oh, and the news that we could have Sedge AND Porter back before the playoffs? I'm giddy like a little girl.

Oh, and since I missed a few weeks, I'm declaring Roman Harper Stud of the Month. Consistency counts. Plus, I gotta give a shout out to my Baby's ~~daddy~~ Namesake.

But back to next week . . .

My friend Amy lives in Rhode Island and is a big ol' Pats fan. (Please, hold your boos until I'm done.) We have a friendly little bet going. Pats win - I send her a box of Louisiana (Cajun country mostly, cause that's me). Saints win - she sends us a box of New England.

Ken has already put in his request for Peter Griffin, but I would prefer if she'd spend this week researching how to ship a talking dog.

Let the smack talk commence!!!

Matty Rice & Gravy

2009-11-05T18:01:00.000-06:00

I think I forgot to post this week. You'll just have to forgive me. It's November, that means NaNoWriMo time. So things are . . . busy. And I'm using up all my words elsewhere. At least the good ones. So when I do pop in here, it'll be to give you loads of childish, potty mouth drivel. You know, same old shit. And don't even begin to think I'm gonna edit anything. No time, no time.

The good news is that I'll be rested up to report on the end of the month SMACKDOWN. You just thought the networks went into overdrive for last Monday's game. Just wait. I plan to have 50k words behind me and by that Tuesday I'll be basking in that glorious FFG (freshly footballed glow, of course). And you're gonna hear all about it. Until then, anything you get from me will just be lagniappe.

Deal with it.

And as if I weren't exhausted enough with all the writing, the Saints had to keep me up all freaking night. How many times did I think I could close my eyes and get a little much-needed shut-eye? Nope, fumble. Nope, interception. Nope, missed the onside kick. Nope, another interception. Give me a freaking break! I couldn't believe it when people were talking about the game Tuesday morning, about how it was ALMOST as tough and stressful as the week before's win. WHAT?!?!? And then I remembered. I had chalked that up to a throwaway game. And I was afraid, especially after winning that one, that we could lose this week. To Atlanta. And then to watch that potential nightmare unfold . . . it was almost more than my little Saint heart could handle.

Here's a quick list (mostly because I'm tired of writing in paragraphs ALREADY and it's only the 5th):

Stud of the Week: Will Smith - Yep, you read it right, Will Smith. Why? Because I actually saw him a few times this game. And he turned Matty Ice into Matty Rice & Gravy. I like to think he put a little fear in that boy's head, maybe pushing him to throw a few of those passes that landed right into the hands of our TOP OF THE LEAGUE CORNERS. (Ever thought you'd hear THAT shit??? I certainly didn't.)
Drew owes his receivers dinner. Seriously. Not on top of his game. He can thank his receivers for this week's passer rating, because it could have been a lot worse. No, wait. My bad. Maybe it was just those mouthpieces.
This just in . . . Gruden's STILL stimulated by all the packages he saw in the Saints meeting.
Pierre. You pissed me off. Screw the fumble, I'm talking about the fifteen fricking yards for that undeserved celebration. Yeah, that. Maybe after the back flip into the endzone when we really needed it. (Although, I'd argue that was just makeup nookie for fumbling the ball right before that. Forget flowers and chocolate, give me a back flip for a score any day!) But certainly not after that early score. Give me a break.
Injury Report: Scott, Sedge, Moore, and Clancy all taking a break for now. (again, stupid early bye week) Although the good news is that Payton says he expects Sedge back before that 4-6 week estimate. In other good news, Jenkins and Goodwin both made it back onto the field today. Phew! I needed some good news on the injury front. I'm still all sorts of torn up over the loss of Heath Evans. Someone pass me a tissue. Or a gin and 7. Whatever ya got. Oh, and Marvin Mitchell saw field time again too, overcoming that "foot" injury, a.k.a. spending time as Payton's bitch. And no, not his bottom bitch.
And I will leave you with this . . . because we all want to beat the snot out of the Panthers (finish them, indeed) and Mr. Pouty-Pants himself . . . remember the goal of this season. Of any season. We've spent too long hungering for a good team. For a solid winning season. But this team was built for the Super Bowl. These division games are strange, and anything could happen (yes, even in freaking Tampa). As much as I really, really, really believe Jake is gonna think Sharper and Porter and Greer are his receivers by the end of this Sunday's game, it isn't gonna be tiddlywinks out there. So, put your big girl boots on again and remember, win or lose, we're shootin' for that Black and Gold Super Bowl!

Realistically Speaking

2009-10-27T14:28:00.000-06:00

I'll admit it.
I thought we would lose that game.

No, I don't mean five minutes or an hour into it. I mean a week ago, I thought we were going to lose to Miami. Not because Miami is better or because we were going to have some sort of letdown after the Giants win. Just because. I mean, I'm nothing if not a realist, and realistically speaking, I don't believe in 16-0. I can't. Ever. For anyone. Sure it can happen, but how often? So, looking at the rest of the schedule after beating the Giants, I figured if we were going to lose a game, it would have to be this one. Oh, I know any given week and all that, and I know how division games are . . . different . . . but if I could pick a game to lose, it would be this one. Miami. Nondivisional. Hell, nonconference. Screw it. I'd take that loss. For the good of the season and all that jazz.

Plus . . . side note . . .
Who the hell were those corners??? Because I completely didn't give them enough credit going into this game. Props to them on some great break ups. You still lost, but hey, pat on the back, guys.

But we didn't lose. We led the league in grit or whatever freaking nonsense Gruden thought up this week while he hot boxed the booth waiting for the amazingly entertaining game they threw in front of him last night. And once again, it took a team effort to make the comeback. As it should. But this week, there can be only one winner.

Stud of the Week

Long before the flurry of free agency gold, there was Scott Fujita. For the last few years, he has been the heart and soul of this defense. The strong, silent type who leads by example. But with Fujita out . . . hold on . . . I need a second . . .
sorry, hurts just to say that . . .
with Fujita out, what did that mean for the Saints Defense? It meant the leadership fell all to this guy.

We all love Jonathan Vilma, so it was no surprise to see him all over the field making plays. But his Stud Status this week isn't just for his 10 tackles. It's for the way he kept those around him going through that first half. I don't know what he was yelling at those guys on the field or what he threatened them with, but they got the message.

But I must admit. He almost didn't get this week's honor. The husband pushed for him, but I was hesitant. You see, this is the same husband who wanted to turn off the game at halftime. Uh-uh. Not in my house. So, I looked to my next pick. Tracy Porter. Oh sure, Sharper got the interception, but who tipped it to him? Add in a few other saves and the freebie at the end, (plus, I just LIKE Porter and I'm still sad he missed almost all of last season) and I thought it was a no-brainer.

Until I thought about the type of win we had. And then I came around. It had to go to that driving force that kept the guys together out there when everything around them was falling apart. So. Vilma. Well earned.

Hopefully next week we'll see a little more of a pass rush (it's Chad freaking Henne for crying out loud!!!) and a little less of the chicken shit play calling. Not that I'm complaining. Ok, a little bit. But seriously, is it too much to ask to see Matt Ryan flat on his back under Will Smith? Huh? Is it?
I didn't think so.

Little Dome of Horrors

2009-10-19T18:58:00.001-06:00

Ok, so would all of our New York friends and family close your eyes and scroll past the next paragraph, please?
You scrolling?
Eyes closed?
Good.

SUCK IT NEW YORK! And while we're at it, SUCK IT NFL SCHEDULING BITCHES! What? You figured New York is SO FREAKING AWESOME that if you lined up all three of the NY teams in a row that at least one of them would HAVE to beat the poor, pathetic losers from New Orleans? Bite our collective asses! No, you know what? I'll take that as a compliment. You needed to stack up three of your teams to get the odds up to beat the ONE from our state, and you STILL couldn't get it done! We swept your M-F-ing precious ass state like dust bunnies under the couch. So ha! There! Eat that, bitches. It feels like Lois in that Family Guy episode where all the New Yorkers descend upon Quahog, and she mans up and hands out the ass-whoopin' of their lives. Yeah, just like that.

Hey, you can stop scrolling now.
I think I'm done.
Yep, done with that.
For now.

Yes, it was a Halloween massacre for the Giants this weekend, and Eli's still washing the piss out of his pants right about now. Yes indeed, Oprah definitely waved her magic O-Wand in the dome and it was touchdowns for everyone in black and gold! And you get a touchdown! And you get a touchdown! And - oh, what the hell - YOU get a touchdown! Even Reggie got his hands on one, so maybe you can all give him a teensy weensy reprieve. Just for this week. Huh? What do you say?

But wait, a moment of silence, please . . .

If you've been keeping up with this site for a while, you already know of my deep love for all things Fujita. Because, you see, we don't swoon for the flashy wide outs or the star running backs on this site. No, around here we like our players, big, smart, and tough. If you're a linebacker or safety and can put a ferocious hit out on the enemy, you're probably gonna see some face time in a post or two. But if you're a reader that's just popped in this season, you might not have picked up on that, and it's completely my fault. I have not been giving The Greatness his due this season. I want to apologize. I had a lot of shiny, new toys to play with this year, and . . . well . . . no excuse is good enough. Now I see my favorite player sporting the boot once again, and with no waterslide in sight to take the fall and Fujita questionable for next week's game, I just don't know how I'm going to live with myself.

But carry on we must.
And carry on we shall.

So to whom do we owe this victory? Who should receive the coveted Stud of the Week honor?

The O-line, with Bushrod back and earning a permanent spot on that left side (can you just hear Jammal Brown typing up a new resume?), stepped up and said "Access Denied!" Osi Who? Number one defense? Yeah, whatever.
Brees? Duh.
Lance fulfilled all our expectations, and with the Giants giving extra attention to Colston and even Shockey, who's wide open? But they caught on, right? So they came down on Lance, which just leaves Colston free to stretch his monster body out for a first down every freaking time. Shockey. Thomas. Bell. They all played their asses off.
The Tracy Porter/Jabrari Greer tandem saved us a couple of big touchdowns and really did an excellent job the entire game.
Roman Harper and Darren Sharper. Enough said. I could go on all day about those two. I do feel really bad for Sharper that he didn't get an interception in the books yesterday.
I even thought about giving the honor to Morstead. I'm dead serious. Those two tackles stopped two returns for touchdowns. I'd say that's a big deal. I told you I didn't really give a rats ass if they drafted a punter. Figured they had to know what the hell they were doing, right? Turns out they did with this kid.

I don't know. I just can't single anyone out this week. It just doesn't seem fair. This was truly one of those team efforts, and I'd buy 'em all a round right now if I could.

Putting on My Big Girl Boots

2009-10-18T08:10:00.002-06:00

Oh, you didn't think I'd cower in the corner for long, did you? Of course not.

For one, I threw out all my clocks. You can't kick Cinderella out of her own M-F-ing ball! Screw the glass slippers, I got my combat boots on today.

Second, you know what else the boots are good for? Kicking all those tagalongs off the damn bandwagon. Seriously. Who invited these people? If it was you, I'm kicking your ass off too. It makes me uneasy to hear the Saints favored over and over in the media. Shut up and tell me we're underrated. Tell me don't belong at the party, that we should be back home scrubbing floors or licking Benson's shoes or some nonsense. Don't tell me we're gonna win. And don't show up like you knew we were great all along. You feel that? That's my boot smashing in your face as you get kicked off the side and crash to the ground. Not on my wagon. Not on my watch.

What lifted my mood this week? A couple of things.
Lance Moore back. Looking forward to big games from Moore and Meachem today.
An extra week for our O-line to heal up some itty bitty nagging injuries.
Shockmeister J back at full strength.
No more Hammy problems for some of our guys in the secondary.

And Darren. Oh, Darren. He's got Eli's number. Just check out what he's done to him in his years with the Vikings (and that's all the time THAT team will see on this blog). Seriously, check it out. Four interceptions against Eli. And Eli's not as disciplined as big brother. He's gonna try not to, but fear will have him staring down his recievers all afternoon long. A perfect playground for Hawk Man.

I won't even begin the Hartley discussion. I'm pretending he doesn't exist at the moment. You know, like all the cool kids who just pretend like you aren't there, even though you're waving your hands in their faces and screaming at them and they just look around at nothing in particular and say, "Wow, that breeze sure is picking up today."

You still have time. Dust off your fear and nagging reservations and get ready for combat with me. When you put on your Saints gear this morning, don't forget the combat boots, Dr. Martens, shit kickers, Delcambre Reeboks, or whatever else you've got and get ready for the ass-whooping of a lifetime!

Sobering Up

2009-10-12T08:28:00.002-06:00

I heard a statistic last week that's been eating away at me. I didn't check the accuracy, but it sounds right based on my fuzzy memory of the last few years. It goes something like this . . .

The Saints are 0-3 after the bye week since Sean Payton took over the team.

Seriously, what are you people doing on your time off??? Well, we know what Reggie's doing (or who he's doing, I guess), but that shouldn't matter. We can't get much less production from him anyway. But for everyone else . . . seriously . . . are you hitting the water parks again? What is it???

Ok, I'll be optimistic.
Different team. (Not really. Just a few tweaks, but Darren Sharper fills a lot of holes all by himself.)
Different year. (Can't argue with that. I do have a calendar.)
Different defensive coordinator. (Yes.)

Yes, we should have some guys healthier next week, but that brings me to another issue. I'm so freaking sick of the early bye. Because while we have some players with nagging minor injuries, don't you think we'll have a greater need for a break to get healthy LATER in the season? Or at least mid freaking season??? Hate. The. Early. Bye.

Last week I felt like Cinderella at the ball. Now I guess I'm looking at the clock thinking next Sunday could be our midnight. And that's ok. Really, big picture and all, a loss to the Giants is not the end of the world. I don't realistically think we're going to go undefeated, and if we have to lose a game, I'd be willing to lose one to a formidable non-divisional opponent. Then again . . . this Cinderella wants to pop her glass slipper heel upside some fat Giant head and say . . .

"Take THAT bitches! Screw the clock, I ain't goin' home yet!!!"

Resistance is Futile

2009-10-06T06:48:00.008-06:00

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

Not only did we deliver a royal smackdown, but we delivered it to the Jets.
And their GQ wannabe QB.
And we proved who really wears the big boy pants in this league. No, it isn't Rex Ryan. It's our own Duke of Defense. That's MR. Williams to you.

What else can I say? Oh, how about . . .

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

. . . keep it up Scotty. I've missed you!

And Drew,
Dear Drew,
You know we love you,
And we LOVE that you're running for those first downs now,
And that you're throwing down a mighty block or two,
But could you please,
Pretty please . . .

NOT sacrifice your throwing shoulder next time?

As much as I love me some Marky Mark, I don't want to see Brees holding a clipboard for the rest of the season.

And last but most definitely not least, our Stud of the Week:

Meet . . .

. . . The Ball Hawk! *

#1 in the league in interceptions,
NFC Defensive Player of the Week,
and all around Rock Freaking Star,
Darren Sharper!

If you aren't a fan, I understand. No, not really, but I'll play devil's advocate for now. The reason Sharper makes such big plays is because he's been given the freedom to do what he does best. Follow his instincts. If they're running a particular play and his super duper hawk sense smells something fishy, he follows that smell. He breaks formation and jumps on the ball. And guess what? No one can be right all the time, so sometimes he's gonna be in the wrong place. So, yeah, that could make a person nervous. But I think he's proven so far that his instincts are dead on. This is what I've been waiting for ever since I heard his name and the Saints in the same sentence so many months ago.

So far, this season has certainly proven well-worth the long offseason wait!

Now, what to do with the long wait until the next smackdown???

(*Cut me some slack on the chop job. I had fun giving GIMP a test drive.)

This Is All I Have To Say About That

2009-10-05T18:49:00.002-06:00

Do you really want to know how I feel about tonight's game?

Now.
Shut.
Up.

Screw You and Your Flag, We Won Anyway

2009-09-28T07:18:00.007-06:00

Despite a whole lot of this . . .

MICHAEL DeMOCKER/THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

. . .following some of the worst officiating I've ever seen (EVER, I tell you), we finally beat a worthy opponent. And we had them running scared from the beginning. Trick play on the first field goal attempt? *sniff* *sniff* That's the smell of desparation, folks. Damn straight. And speaking of field goal attempts . . .

NEWS FLASH . . . Olindo Mare missed an assload of field goals.
But wait.
There's more.
Not only did he get a JOB this season, but now he's got Jim Mora apologizing for his criticism in the postgame press conference. Seriously?!?! I mean, it's not HIS fault you got yourself in the position umpteen thousand times to have to kick a field goal, but still. He missed. A lot. And now Mora's apologizing for maybe setting the bar too high for some players. Here's a tip, Jimmy. Set that bar down around Mare's fricking knees, then maybe he could knock a ball over that one.

Now back to the Saints.

Formative fun game, my ass. Buffalo's defense may have stepped up and given us a bit of an ass-chapping, but OUR defense shut those mothers down! I saw some action once again from my favorite fifty-five, Scott Fujita, and finally . . . FINALLY . . . we got some productivity our of overpaid ends, Charles Grant and Will Smith.

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

Even Reggie Bush didn't look like a shit heel this week. Well, mostly.

Watching this week, I wondered who I'd pass the stud of the week title on to. Would I throw C. Grant a bone this week? Or maybe Lynell Hamilton deserved the honor.

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

(Oh, My Freaking Gosh. I still get shivers every time I think about that tackle.)

But then came the second half. And someone clearly stole the honor.

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

Pierre Thomas. Way to prove to the world that you ain't rolling over and handing your job to any man. Holy crap. If we could keep both those guys healthy . . . no . . . I can't even think about it. Flames might start flying out of my ears.

Oh, it's good time to be a Saints fan. Hell, WE know that any time's a good time to be a Saints fan, but now's the time when we put the big boots back on. 'Cause we're gonna need 'em to knock all those bastards off the bandwagon again. Because sure enough, they're coming. Even CowTurd, who surely has a few more weeks of proclaiming to the radio masses that the Saints and Drew Brees in particular are overrated, will eventually come around singing their praises.

I got my boots ready. How about you?

An Ode to the Big Boys

2009-09-17T12:00:00.007-06:00

I hate listening to local sports radio on Mondays. Sure, I want to yell at the idiotic callers on my way to the grocery store, but I can't stand listening to the endless number of LSU fans calling in to whine about every little thing they're team did wrong that weekend.

THEY WON THE GAME, PEOPLE. Let it go.

I can't help it. As a UL-Lafayette/USL fan, I would just like to enjoy half of their success. And I always swore I wouldn't complain like that if I got it. But here I am. Doing the same thing with My Saints. Oh, I can pretend it's different. I could line up the excuses.

* The blog's called Saints Rants.
* Or think how boring this would be if I only puked praise every week.
* Or I could point out that I've been here before. And I've been burned.
* And gee, unlike LSU fans, my team doesn't have a nice, shiny national title.

Not yet.

But I will lay off on one issue. Defense. They still aren't where we want them to be. But what did we beg of them all last season (besides a few extra inches for Jason David) while our offense racked up record-setting numbers?

We asked the defense to be just a little bit better.

That's it. Not rank in the top five or even the top ten. We just needed a middle of the road defense, one that would allow maybe just one score less each game. We didn't need a shut out. We just needed to score more points than the other teams. That's all we asked. And now . . . by George, I think we got it!

So I'll lay off.
For now.

Instead, I'll sing the praises of our beloved motley crew. Our Studs of the Week. The Offensive Line. But first . . .

Wait, did I SERIOUSLY hear Aikman say that he didn't think our offensive line played very well in week 1? SERIOUSLY??? I'm sorry, but how many times was Brees sacked in that game? And how often did he have enough time to throw the ball all the way down the field to, oh, any number of people lined up to catch it? And who handled Trent Cole this week?

BUSHROD!!!!!

That's right. Suck it, JB.
And don't forget who else put the brakes on the pro-bowl DE . . .

Big Ol' Stinch-Daddy!
A Man who has truly busted ass and earned his right as a starter on this team.

My hat's off to all of you. Keep it up, because we like seeing Drew put up those ridiculous numbers.

Of course, I want to acknowledge Jenkins and Bush and Sharper and Devery . . . ok, maybe even Shockey . . . but it's way too early to expect what we've seen so far to be the best they've got. You've got to earn your Stud status here!

Tool Basket

2009-09-15T17:28:00.007-06:00

Scanning the post titles in my feed reader earlier this week, one title in the middle of a bunch of Saints game summaries and news bits caught my eye.
A Tool Basket
Much to my annoyance, the post went into detail on how to craft/sew a tool basket. Most days this might have delighted me, but not after this fantabulous opening weekend. I wanted to continue eating, breathing, living football. So, I'm making my own damn tool basket post.

Week 1 Tool Basket:

1. Jammal Brown - read last week's brief post. I'm tired of talking about this loser.

2 & 3. Charles Grant and Will Smith - Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about you, big boys. I never thought Id be singing the praises of our secondary and wondering what the hell our pro bowl ends are doing. I can't even tell whether or not they're in the game or not anymore. But OH they've pulled your suspensions! Yip-yip-yippee. Can you feel my enthusiasm? No? Hmm, I wonder why not? Moving on.

4. Special Freaking Teams - Yep. Special. I won't waste time discussing this, because Roby should improve them next week. Especially since they shouldn't have cut him in the first place. Duh.

5. Reggie Bush - He's number five because I just can't bring myself to bring him any higher. Plus, I don't think anyone's harder on Reggie than Reggie, so he doesn't need me bashing him this week. But the rope is short, my friend.

(Honorable Mention - Tracy Porter - Don't get me wrong, I love this kid. But he has to stay healthy one freaking season. A bruise? Get your ass on the field, boy!)

A few side notes and players NOT going into the tool basket:

* Do I really have to say it? Brees. 'Nuff said. He's my Stud of the Week (featured in the sidebar), just to get this shit out of the way now.

* Offensive Line - Somebody had to do their job so Brees could throw the ball. Jammal who?

* Mike Bell and Darren Sharper - These aren't new tricks and don't call 'em old dogs. These guys delivered what we knew they would. Either could have easily been my stud this week, but I expect even better performances from both in the future.

* Lance Moore, a.k.a. The Hotness. Welcome back, darlin'! Where did the frack did the damn force-out rule go just when we needed it? Huh? Huh?

* This . . .

CHUCK COOK / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

But wait, haven't we seen Drew pressing his junk up against another #44 before? Actually, it looks like Heath Evans is replacing Jeff Faine as Drew's preferred Junk Target. We all loved Karney, but I'm looking forward to big things from this ex-Pat.

* I got my wish . . .

RUSTY COSTANZA / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

BUSHROD!!!!!!!!

Not quite the context I had in mind, but I did get to shout it out. High Five, buddy, on getting back out there. Oh, and doing your job. Hear that JB?

And I couldn't live with myself if I didn't mention . . .

* UL-Lafayette beat Kansas State!!! Geaux Cajuns!!!

* Props to Kevin Faulk and Brandon Stokely on their week 1 performances. Don't think we've fogotten about either of you down here!

* Jake Delhomme. Oh, dear Jake. I always knew you had it in you. Way to prove me right. Again.

Like I didn't see this coming

2009-09-11T12:28:00.000-06:00

I have two words for you:

Dead Weight.

Too bad they didn't realize this BEFORE we had to pay him for another freaking season of uselessness.

And hey, don't underestimate the entertainment value of shouting "Bushrod" for months. I don't know about you, but that alone might have been worth the change for me.

Get Your Geek On

2009-09-10T13:00:00.000-06:00

Can't wait for Sunday? Simmer down. If all goes as planned, this week's game should just be an extension of preseason. The real season begins next week. So excuse me if I don't get all gushy about opening weekend. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've got the fridge stocked with the last of the Abita wheat I could find on the shelves, and I'll watch all three hours of the game, but I'm just not giving it a whole lot of thought.

So while we wait for next week, check out Drew Brees on Sports Science.

Oakland Recap & Question of the Week

2009-08-29T16:10:00.013-06:00

(Sorry for those of you who got just a piece of this in your feed reader the first time. Plus, I think the last post got republished - maybe more than once - while I worked on some layout issues. Should be all worked out now.)

The first time I get a chance to catch a live preseason game, I get completely outvoted. So, Shrek 3 ruled the house for about 45 minutes (even the Saints are no match against burping and farting ogre babies), until I retreated to the little tv in the bedroom. Still, I had to run back and forth to make sure the kids weren't killing each other, meaning I missed a good bit of the rest.
Now for my impressions of what I did see . . .

First, I've heard several people wet themselves over the impressive blitzing. Really, don't get too excited about the blitzing. I mean, get excited about the blitzing, but don't expect every game to be an all-out blitz-fest. (Can I take a shot every time I write blitz? 'Cause that's what I'm going for here.) When you're up 24-0 in the beginning of the second quarter . . . well, you gotta figure they're gonna throw the ball, right? So why not just run everybody up and beat the crap out of Jamarcus Russel. Or Jeff "I'm-Not-Gay-Look-I-Married-A-Playmate" Garcia. Either way, you gotta figure even if they get the ball off that crew of "receivers" out there isn't going to do much with it. So why not blitz away? (Drink.)

Second, I don't think anyone is surprised to see Bush and Pierre Thomas out. And while we all love Pierre and are thrilled he's finally getting his shot, the question is the same it's always been. Can Pierre Thomas take the beating? I'm a little fightened on that one.

I wanted to ask who those idiots were (33 and 38 maybe?) that blew their tackles and kept the game from being a shutout, but I figure what's the point. If I didn't have to remember last year's kickers, why the hell would I need to know these guys?

Oh, on a side note . . . did anyone else hear Roby scream like a girl after that hit on the punt returner? Jeez, dude. You might want to loosen up your strap a bit.

By the second half, I actually felt sorry for the Oakland fans. Ok, it was a brief, passing moment, but it moved me. Oh, come on, you know what it feels like to be them. Ok, maybe not, because despite what we think of Big Daddy Benson, he ain't that special kind of bat shit crazy you find in Oakland.

I can't even begin to empathize what it must be like to have THAT running your organization. And then there's the matter of the coach, you know, who didn't punch his assistant. He just jave him a love tap and he fell and cracked his face open. Or he ran into a door. It was an accident. We swear.

Yeah, I can't imagine being a fan there. I think Id have to frickin' move. But maybe that would be just because I lived in Oakland and had nothing to do with the team. Either way, it's gotta suck to live in Oakland.

Ok, now . . . on to the question of all questions . . .

Question of the Week:

Will Coach Payton carry two kickers again this season? And I'm talking about after Hartley's suspension is up. IF he keeps Hartley in the first place, will he keep them both and tag Hartley as his kickoff specialist or his distance kicker or whatever color he wants to paint THAT flaming turd. I hate the idea of eating up a roster spot, but given Coach P's track record, I'm thinking it that might just be on the horizon again. What do you think?

5 Reasons to Love Preseason

2009-08-19T10:37:00.012-06:00

And you thought you wouldn't have to hear from me again after my pathetic attempts to maintain this blog last season. After much consideration, I have decided to give up my lame-ass fantasy football pastime in favor of reviving this site. I'd much rather harass undersized corners than worry about whether or not my drafting a player had anything to do with his untimely PUP placement. I can't take that kind of pressure.

So, here I am. Hopefully I can squeeze in a little time to tidy up the place, but don't hold your breath, folks. On to more important things . . .

Preseason.
Yes, preseason counts. And since I have satellite and can't catch the Houston game until 6:00 tomorrow morning (better believe I'm crackin' an Abita at 6AM on a Tuesday), I've had to find something else to occupy my time. So here it is . . . my

Lets begin with a beautiful illustration of numbers one and two:

(MICHAEL DeMOCKER/THE TIMES-PICAYUNE)

1. Mark Brunell

This is the only time of year anymore that I get to watch a whole lot of Marky Mark. He's got an arm and a sense of humor like my ex-boyfriend*, but without all the baggage.

(* = For future reference, the aforementioned ex will no longer receive mention here. We were on a break. Then you had to go and sleep with that other girl you SAID you hated too, but now I know you're just a liar. We are officially done.)

I mean, seriously, check this out . . .

(CHUCK COOK / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE)

Yes, Joey, even with Marky Mark striking this fantastic pose, YOU are the douchebag in the photo. And no, that does not make you an automatic member of his Funky Bunch, but thanks for playing.

2. John Carney in Black and Gold Again

(See, I told everyone I didn't need to learn the new kicker's name last season.)

Welcome back, John! It just wasn't the same without you!!! Ahem, despite that infamous missed PAT, but I think enough time has passed that I MIGHT be over it. Well, enough time has passed that you can come back and start making it up to me. Flowers and candy are nice, but we'll settle for a few playoff wins. You know, to start with.

3. Jeremy Shockey Might Earn His Keep This Season

Ok, so it's all just an illusion, and the cloud of smoke will appear and things will be back to normal once the regular season starts and we'll all be ready to rip Sean Payton a new one for that stupid ass deal once again. BUT . . . Shockey did figure out in the first game that if he put down the damn phone and quit tweeting for five fricking minutes, he could actually catch the ball. For now, I don't give a crap what he tweets about or who he beats the crap out of on the practice field. I get to live in ignorant bliss for a few more weeks.

4. Minor Injuries Don't Phase Me

No need to panic over Reggie's sexcapades or what body part he's tweaking this week. Let him get that shit out of his system now.

And Jammal. Dear, Jammal. I wouldn't care about your hernia even if this was the regular season. Sure, you're a decent player, but this team doesn't pay you what it does to play decent. Now man up and get your ass to the pro bowl this year.

5. I don't miss Deuce yet, since we never saw much of him in preseason anyway.

And just saying that . . . well, I have to go wash the vomit taste out of my mouth.

Midget Magic

2008-12-10T15:53:00.003-06:00

I slack off for a month and look what happens.

* Colston can't catch crap.
* Shockey and Bush have actual, honest-to-goodness yardage.
* Jason David is a stud. (ok, I'm not jumping on THAT bandwagon just yet, but good for him)
* The world is finally recognizing the AWESOMENESS that we around here already knew about in Pierre Thomas and Lance Moore.
* The Saints have another new kicker and punter. I don't remember either of their names. All I know is the little guy isn't named Olindo or Martina, and he is my new bestest friend in the whole wide world. So far.

Who would have thunk it?

And now back to reality. The reality that our entire freaking season now hinges on winning a game against Chicago.

At Soldier Field.

In December.

At night.

Thanks N-Fricking-L.

Oh well, maybe 3rd times charm up there. Rock the house Pierre!

Help . . . Dallas Question

2008-11-18T07:53:00.002-06:00

I know, I'm supposed to be on suspension here. But I need a little help, and I was hoping someone had the answer.

We'll be in Dallas (actually in the Carrollton area) for the game on the 30th. In case we can't catch the Saints on either of the network channels, does anyone know of a good place to watch the game? Preferably a place we can take the kids (ages 5 & 1). Help, help, help!!!

Sincerely,
Your distressed and suspended Saints Ranter

Taking One For The Team: My 4-Game Suspension

2008-10-29T12:39:00.003-06:00

Once again, it's probably all my fault. I've been remiss in my blogging duties, and I apologize if this in any way has affected our beloved team. Clearly a portion of the blame must be placed on my shoulders. Just like CLEARLY that earlier loss was Weatherford's fault. (Really??? Seriously, Coach, he was one of the few guys on the team that could throw down a nice tackle.) And CLEARLY our kicking game is to blame for all of this team's woes, so yeah, let's get rid of both of those guys, right? Clearly, that was the problem.

But I digress . . .

Before I'm cut or placed on IR for the remainder of the season, I'm going to take a 4-game suspension. Consider it my sacrifice to the football gods, so they may allow Deuce, Grant, and Smith to stick around and play in my absence. (I'm worth all three of those guys, right?) If not, I'll serve my time in silence with them. But fear not, friends. It's only four weeks. I'll be back, better than ever. I'll be working out every day (doing this). I promise. If you want, you can check up on me to make sure I'm staying in shape. And I promise to return in December, ready for the postseason. Until then, dear Who Dats, stay strong and keep those playoff hopes alive.

CRAAAAAAAAP!!!!!

2008-10-07T13:21:00.002-06:00

What the hell was THAT massive load of crap?

I have a serious MNF hangover. I was up . . . I was down . . . I was hop-skippin'-n-jumpin' all over the frickin' living room for about thirty minutes. Then came Tina and his gimpy crotch. From then on it was just all out wonkiness. WTF was up with the penalties? And while we're at it, WTF was up with the offensive line? I mean, I know Jared Allen is good, but damn. Did we have to let the rest of the marauders through? The 3 unbelievable mind-blowing Bush returns was just a big, fat C-tease. At the end of the game, I just felt all empty and dirty inside.

I know I gave a hard time to all the fans who've been prematurely shouting for Deuce, but I want to clear something up. I'm not against running the damn ball. I'm against running it poorly. And this team has proven that it can't run well consistently. So, go ahead guys. Do what works when it works. Just lay off the dumbass mistakes.

But what disturbed me the most was watching Tracy Porter walk to the locker room with his right hand wrapped up in a bloody towel. Coach said today that he had surgery on a "dislocated wrist" this morning. Dude, I've seen dislocated body parts before. They don't normally bleed. That looked like one badass compound fracture. Either way . . . not good. You know who that leaves lining up opposite McKenzie next week, don't you?

But I leave you with one happy note. Anyone else see the bestest part of the game? The Countdown show where they play who knows the player better, their wife or their teammate. Guess who played the game . . . yep, everyone's favorite Defensive Captain . . . Scott Fujita! His wife competed against Charles Grant, with the help of two very cute little girls. Too funny. Now the whole world knows that if you take Scott Fujita to the karaoke bar, he'll probably sing "Baby Got Back." Good to know.

Have You Hugged Your Receiver Today?

2008-10-04T08:06:00.004-06:00

Bull Crap.

Make sure you give those receivers and quarterbacks a good hug (and maybe a little Frenching for good measure) on the way down, or the NFL's gonna take away your kid's college fun.

While you're at it, go ahead and give Tom Benson a big hug too. That's right, you heard me. Big B needs some love. Why? Because he could be Al Davis. What a nut job. I swear I actually heard a reporter waiting at the mic giggle after something that Dementia Davis said early on in that ridiculous tirade of his. Then he had the nerve to say, "I hired the wrong guy." No, Mr. Davis. You hired the only guy who would take the job. Good luck finding another coach next year.
And for that, we love you, Tom Benson.
And for only that.

I don't even want to talk about Sedrick Ellis. I'm going to hid in the closet and close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears and chant, "Not listening, I'm not listening," until Monday. I just can't stand these stupid rotten injuries anymore.

Stupidity Knows No Bounds

2008-09-29T07:10:00.004-06:00

And I thought we made some boneheaded moves. This one wins the Boneheaded Move of the Year award.

St. Louis fired head coach Scott Linehan.
duh.

What's interesting is who they made interim head coach . . .

drumroll, please . . .

wait for it . . .

wait for it . . .

wait . . .

Yep. That guy. Jim Freakin' Haslett. Oh, he screwed up the Saints, but he was still supposedly some defensive genius (yeah, we never got a taste of any of that), so he'd be GREAT as d-coordinator in St. Louis. Right? Oh, wait. Weren't they last in defense in the league?

Ok, let's take bets. How long will smiley have to wait to get the phone call that gets his out of shape ass off the couch?

The NFL Can't Fine Me

2008-09-28T09:32:00.003-06:00

I have a few things to say about the NFL fining Big Daddy P $15,000 for his criticism of the missed call in last week's game against the Broncos.

First, the world was up in arms about Ed Hochuli's botched call. Rightfully so, but at least he had a bad angle for making the call, and that one's been screwed up in the past. This wasn't a judgment call. This wasn't a bad angle. The line judge just has to stand there and look. He calls it or not. There's no, "I didn't see it," bullshit. So he either just decided not to call it (and it was a very obvious infraction), or he was not paying attention (i.e. not doing his job) and thinking about something else. What was he thinking about? Maybe he was having wet daydreams about Hochuli. Or maybe he likes 'em big, and was wondering why, oh why, he couldn't stare at Hollis Thomas's meaty ass on the line anymore. Who knows. All I know is he blew it. And I didn't hear diddly about Norv Turner or anyone else being fined for criticizing the Hochuli thing. So what gives?

Second, it wasn't just that one call. The stupid PI call on Jason David was just not necessary. If anything, they should have tacked a few of those calls on to Brandon Marshall's ass.

Finally, I don't really condone whining about missed calls after a bad game, but I like that Payton did it. Why? Because he was pissed. I like this team pissed. He knew he would get fined, and he did it anyway. Whatever gets them fired up is good, especially after the serious lack of emotion welve seen the last 2 weeks. At least Shockey and his achey-breaky crotch had an excuse.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled pregame hooplah.

Hurts So Good

2008-09-23T12:48:00.003-06:00

I'm still suffering from the damn football-induced hangover produced by the last two Sundays. Surprisingly, I don't feel as bad after this Sunday's loss, so I figured I'd post while I still can.

Then again . . . just as I began writing . . . this crap came out.

Every team gets banged up. Every team has players out. But no other team has as many key players out right now. And we won't go around whining about it. But there comes a point when you just have to say . . . . . . Damn.

First things first. Did I really hear some nut job call for the signing on one Mr. Alexander? Really??? You want to trade one banged-up-aging-back (sorry, Deuce) for another? Another that no other teams want to touch. That would be like . . . like . . . like signing Joey Harrington. I don't want to hear about the stupid running game anymore. We suck at it. Unless you count throwing to Little Lance once in a while and letting him get some YAC. Or Reggie (provided he stops dropping the damn ball). Just sit tight and let them do what they're good at. If you suck at cooking, would you show up at your favorite restaurant asking to work in the kitchen? Uh, no. So stop asking the Saints to run more.

Week 2 hurt a lot more than week 3. Why? Because we should have won week 2. And we sucked. Hard. Everyone had written off week 3, so to actually rally and make Denver actually look bad was cherry. But then again, we didn't look all that snazzy either. I'm over the missed kicks. Unless, of course, we just want to laugh about how we all knew this was going to happen and whether we think Marteen will have his bags packed before the next game . . . just in case. Don't count on Mehlhaff being asked back any time soon . . . remember how long it took them to ditch Olindo Mare. That's right. Buckle up, folks. It's gonna be a long season.

But all is certainly not lost. The Big Game goes to those teams with momentum at the end of the season (just ask the Giants). It could give a crap what you do or hw many players you have out right now. So be patient while they get all of this crap out of their system and everyone gets healthy, and we'll mop up on the back side of the schedule.

Number (Fifty-)Five Alive!!!

2008-09-08T12:22:00.005-06:00

Was it perfect?
Nope.

Was it one hell of a fat-nasty, satisfying win?
Oh, yeah.

And who better to grab that interception to seal the victory? Holy crap, I couldn't have scripted that better myself.

I have nothing negative to say this morning. Well, I do, but I'm not going to say them, because I'm too busy drinking Kool-aid over here.

Set Your VCR for the Blood Bath

2008-08-25T05:42:00.002-06:00

That's right, I don't have tivo. And since Cox can bite me, I didn't see the game Saturday night either. We let the 5-year-old stay up a wee bit late to listen to the first half on the radio, which was kind of nice but not the same. So all of you satellite folks, fire up the old vcr, and set it for 9am today to watch with your own eyes as dear old Carson gets bloodied to a pulp.

It was nice to HEAR the defense doing well, but I'm not fooled. The Bengals are in pitiful shape right now. With no one of any value to throw the ball to, of course our corners are going to look good. Hell, Jason David would have looked good starting last night (which would have been a bad, bad thing, so thank you Coach for not making that dumb ass move). And the d-line looked (I mean, sounded) great, but that's probably because Palmer stood back there way too long each play wondering what the hell he was going to do with the damn ball. I'm reserving judgment until I can see with my own eyes.

Court Dates Make You Suck

2008-08-21T07:56:00.003-06:00

What gives? I'm as disappointed in Jason David as anyone, believe me. He's getting the same treatment I gave Fred "I'm a Midget" Thomas a couple years ago. But that's where David should be. In street clothes on the sideline. The only problem? That's not the only problem.

David wouldn't look half as bad as he does if the quarterbacks weren't given weeks to stand back there lookin' pretty before they throw the ball. Could we get a little pressure back there? Smith? Grant? Don't we pay YOU enough? Maybe Grant is distracted. Maybe he's too busy thinking about court dates and neck scars and whatever else. I don't care. Just push through and lay somebody put, will ya?

And we knew Joe Horn couldn't stay quiet for long. Joe Horn released a list of six teams Joe Horn would consider playing for. Six loser teams (uh, hello, Miami is in your top 6?) where Joe Horn would have little competition for a roster spot and Joe Horn could try to revive the Joe Horn show. Joe Horn knows where Joe Horn should go. Wherever they will take Joe Horn.

Cox Can Bite Me

2008-08-18T07:08:00.002-06:00

You thought you had us by the balls, didn't you Cox? Too bad some of us have radio and internet and NFL Network (which, by the way, we don't have to pay extra for on satellite . . . you hear that? it's INCLUDED). So while I may have missed the game Saturday night, I will have it on today at 9AM, courtesy of NFL network. I already saw the Bush and Colston scores on a Total Access best plays of the weekend countdown. #1 and #3, baby! Too bad Jason "oops, I'm short and can't run fast" David was still starting. Not that he's the only one to blame on that defense. Well, I guess I'll see just how bad it was in an hour.

One Down

2008-08-09T11:02:00.002-06:00

Holy crap, it's good to have football again.

But seriously . . . a reverse piece of crap play? on the first snap? No, really? Because that's worked for us so well in the past. And it's not like Payton doesn't start every stinkin' game out that way. Come. On.

Other than that, you had to be happy with the team. Nothing to freak out about, good or bad. Just . . . nice.

As always, you have to give Drew props for that long touchdown drive. I heard a lot of people saying how well the o-line was holding. I don't know. Sure, the few nice passes they held. But in the beginning, I was scared. I think my seven-month-old could have crawled through there a few times untouched.

And how great was it to see Brunell in black and gold? Ken said it made him look old. I say black and gold makes everyone look sexy. Marky-Mark just looked sexier.

The one thing I really liked seeing was the fire. Definitely absent last year. And no one gave up on plays. Very, very nice.

Damn, that Kool-Aid's good.

For the Record

2008-08-07T06:30:00.002-06:00

The pissing contest is over.

For the record, I called it.

The pack won, because they won't play him unless both teams go to the SuperBowl.
#4 won, because he can buy some hillbilly farmland out in Jersey and not watch film and sleep through meetings and basically make Man-gina his whipping boy. Because we all know Man-gina doesn't have the balls to stand up to Favre.

The jersey is in the back of the closet, behind the winter clothes, behind the college shirts, behind the work shirts. It will not be worn this year. Not until I'm over the break-up.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled Saints Rants . . . .

There's a freakin' preseason game TONIGHT!!!!!

I Love Me Some Donald Driver

2008-07-30T07:36:00.004-06:00

I considered letting the whole Favre Watch '08 situation go by uncommented, but I figured I owed some explanation. You see, regardless of the outcome, I'm retiring my #4 jersey indefinitely. Brett has every right to retire or not retire. To alienate his fans or not alienate them in his dumb-ass comments to SI. I'm not offended and I don't care about any of that. But you sat up there and cried. You made US cry. You don't get to mosey back in to my life, throw a few balls with some high school kids, and pretend like you didn't break up with me. With all of us. Fool me once, shame on you. I don't get fooled twice. So I don't care what happens to your stupid career from here on out. We are officially broken up. I will treasure the memories, but there is no future for us. Because one day, if he comes back, he will retire again. And this time, I won't cry and no one will care if he cries.

Don't worry about the Packers. Like Donald Driver said, he could win the Super Bowl with his mama back there throwing to him. Hold on D. Let's just see if yo' mama makes it through camp first.

Now, as for the fear in Saints fans' minds . . .
Brett Favre is not going to Tampa, so relax. The Packers will not release him to an NFC team, so don't start having wet dreams about Will Smith and Charles Grant double teaming Favre twice a year. Forget seeing McKenzie getting a pick off of him just like the old days on the practice field.

Not unless we play the Jets.

Shock and Awe

2008-07-24T18:11:00.002-06:00

Ok, for the record, I AM still on the Kool-Aid. This season is OURS. You have to forgive me. I took a little break and I come back to find the never ending Saga of Favre and now this. It was a bit of a shock to the system. (hehe, shock, hehe, get it? Shut up.)

That said . . . let's get down to business with a few clarifications:

1. I hate Drew Rosenhaus.

2. Shockey, the player, is a great fit for the team. There's no mistaking that. The goal is still to outscore the other team right?

3. He will add some oompf the team so desperately needs. You know, fire, passion, and all that jazz. All the reasons I really did have a soft spot for that other blond psycho we ditched a few years back. Yeah, that one.

4. My concern is that maybe Shockey's passion lies more in satisfying Shockey's ego than in playing for a team. I mean, if New Orleans wasn't big enough for Hollywood and Sean Payton, what room could there be for a big ol' sweaty tight end (eve if he does look damn good in black and gold)?

5. Damn, I'm glad to have football to talk about again.

Holy Hairy Tight End, Batman!

2008-07-23T18:42:00.004-06:00

Twas the first night of training camp,
and all through Millsaps
not a player was stirring,
not even a titty-baby tight end.

Yeah . . . right.

If there's one thing we know about Jeremy Shockey, it's that he's going to stir up shit somehow somewhere. Come on. Didn't we get rid of Kyle Turley? Turley's psycho 'roid fit was actually ignited by a desire to protect a teammate, even if that teammate was former-saint-now-couch-potato-criminal-cousin Smiley.
(I wouldn't defend that idiot, but whatever.) Shockey's meltdowns seem to occur when Jeremy isn't getting Jeremy's way. You know, like when he's asked to block or some crap like that. At least he'll get the chance to catch the ball here. We'll throw it to every tight end who can't catch, so this should be an improvement. Still, is it worth it? Do I really want to see his whiny titty-baby fit when he doesn't get enough catches? I don't know, and at this point, I don't care. Just catch the damn ball and shut up.

Congrats to Marques Colston on his 3 year contract extension, proving the man can score even in the offseason.

Is It August Yet?

2008-07-11T15:42:00.003-06:00

I have definitely been craving me some New Orleans . . .

http://michellehulse.blogspot.com/2008/07/oh-my-nola-hcj-muffuletta.html

I'm not taking a baby to training camp in this heat, but I can't wait to make a road trip when the girls are older!

Dear Javon,

2008-06-17T11:07:00.002-06:00

(You may know I have a soft spot for local boys, no matter what color jersey they wear now . . . with maybe one exception.)

Dear Javon,

Come home.

Ok, so you're not technically from here, but you enjoyed your time at STM, right? And we're between Houston & your alma mater, FSU. It's still crawfish season. The Saints are making a run for their rings. Do they need another WR? Hell, no. But wouldn't you rather take a pay cut and ride the bench if it meant you could actually live through the season?

I still heart Javon.

I even overlooked the fight with my favorite sort-of-retired QB.

I kept you in my thoughts and prayers in Denver after the shooting.

If you simply must stay in Oakland, we still wish you well.
Just lay off the champagne sprays, will ya?

Sincerely,
SaintsRants

Draft Thoughts

2008-04-28T12:13:00.002-06:00

Without looking into these players very much, here are my initial thoughts:

- 2 defensive tackles - dude . . . two, really?
- 1 cornerback - yep, yep, and yep
- 1 tackle - eh, ok, whatever
- 1 wide receiver - *cough*remember Meachem*cough* . . . but I'll take that risk in th 7th rd, not the 1st, thank you very much
- 1 kicker

Ok, so you may be surprised to find I think the kicker was a good pick. Guaranteed points. A definite need. Sorry Martin, looks like you'll be cheering from your couch again, buddy.

Hey, it's better than Seattle's pick. Seriously, a long snapper?!?! In the sixth round, when they still had another pick in the seventh? What were they thinking?

Makes us look like freakin' draft geniuses.

All of our picks do one good thing . . . take some pressure off Brees. Thanks.

Can we start drinking the Kool-Aid yet?

Schedule Issues

2008-04-24T18:22:00.002-06:00

You've all seen the schedule by now, right?
Fine, whatever. It's a schedule.

But . . . seriously . . .

Chicago. Again.
IN Chicago. Again.
In frickin' December. AGAIN.

The madness never ceases.

Oh well . . . still . . . there's always the draft this weekend. Which will definitely brighten my weekend since we probably won't be at Festival International this year.

Oh, and . . .

The world is just awesome!

Boom-dee-yah-da!

Farewell, Ashley

2008-04-03T09:32:00.002-06:00

The world is darker with the loss of fellow blogger, fiery New Orleans advocate, and Saints fan Ashley Morris.

When we march on to kick the crap out of Mare and the Seahawks this fall, we do so in honor of Ashley. Hell, the whole season should be played in his honor. No one fights the good fight for the city of New Orleans quite like Ashley.

Hug your loved ones and say a little prayer for his family. He will be greatly missed.

Bringing Sexy Back

2008-03-14T09:26:00.003-06:00

Look out clipboard! We've got a guy with a personality to hold you this year. Yep, Mark Brunell has signed on to replace Jamie Martin as official Clipboard Boy. I may have lost my favorite QB of all time and may cry a little every Sunday next season, but at least I get Marky Mark in NO. Why do I like this guy? I don't know, I guess I'm just a sucker for a sense of humor and a smile. And good arm. Preseason will tell if he's still got it or not. Plus, he was drafted by the Packers in '93 (yeah, so what if he's old, I like 'em that way) and was a Favre backup. Can you imagine those two jokesters together running their mouths on the sideline? 3 ProBowls ain't much to laugh at either.

So while I can never truly say how much Steve Gleason meant to this team, or how much I'll miss seeing Drew Brees mount Jeff Faine after every touchdown, I can say there is a glimmer of something special about the team I see forming before my eyes.

That is, if this MeatHead can stay healthy for just on year. The guy's one more concussion away from eating meatloaf with a straw. But if Dan Morgan can get in some nice hits for just one season . . . man, that would be sweet.

In Mourning

2008-03-09T15:19:00.003-06:00

I was all ready to enjoy the Free Agency Fun Fest. Then, the unthinkable happened.
And this is how I feel:

I'll be observing a period of mourning . . . length of time TBD.
In the meantime, please light a candle for me as I recover from my sudden abandonment.

Football with never be the same.

Say It Ain't So

2008-02-10T15:59:00.000-06:00

I'm busy not watching the ProBowl. You know, protesting the absence of Marques Colston. To be fair, I didn't even watch the SuperBowl. In my defense, I saw the first half, but crashed before Mr. Petty hit the field. Give me a break, I had a kid spiking a fever and a baby who finally fell asleep, so I crashed. But I just couldn't help myself yesterday. There was nothing on while I was putting the baby to sleep, so I watched a bit of the practices. I figure that's ok even though I'm on a ProBowl Strike, since I was just watching the players have a good time. After all, it isn't their fault he wasn't voted in. And I love watching them interact, having a good time, asking each other for autographs . . . it just reminds me once again why I love the game. Would you have that same kind of atmosphere with a bunch of other professional athletes? Basketball? Nope. Baseball? Nope. Not even with the gentlemanly game of golf would you see such fun times. Players trading caps and helmets to wear during practice. Laughing, joking, showing pictures of their kids. Good times.

The down side? The game I'm not watching is the last of the season. Bummer.

Newest Who Dat

2008-01-12T19:49:00.000-06:00

Well, even if I can't watch my team in the playoffs, at least I can watch my little girl in her new jersey every weekend.

Seriously, this is what my four-year-old asked for this Christmas. Who am I to disappoint?

And FINALLY, in other news, our newest member of the family lineup arrived on Friday, January 4th. You can sneak a peak at Baby Harper here on my personal blog. And there's an explanation on how we came up with the name here . . . but you all can guess at least one of the inspirations for that.

Santa Baby

2007-12-24T10:53:00.001-06:00

Dear Santa,

This year, my list is short and sweet. Here's what I want for Christmas:

The Fujita girls to get some sleep. 4 tackles from Scott is just not going to cut it. Let the man get some Z's this week.
Marques Colston to stop coughing up blood. Dude, that's just not cool. It's why I'm not even going to wish for a playoff spot this year. I just want #12 back to make a run at it next year.
Whoever's upstairs to stop giving Coach P piss-poor advice on challenging plays. Yes, your ass on the ground does count as down. It ain't brain surgery.
Coach P to realize that when we're down four running backs and the defense is stopping the few people we have left to put in that maybe - just maybe - it isn't a great idea to run into that big green brick wall four frickin' times in a row. Just sayin'.
A SMACKDOWN at Soldier Field. I don't care about the playoffs. I don't care what Minnesota or Washington do. It's all about payback, baby. And it's past due.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and All That Jazz!!!

Isn't She Lovely?

2007-12-24T10:41:00.000-06:00

Isn't She Lovely?
Isn't She Wonderful?

Nope, not singing about the newest Who Dat. He/She has decided to keep us in suspense a little longer . . . much like my favorite stress-inducing black and gold team.

This is a song about another wee one to join the team. Never thought I'd be saying those words about Martin Gramatica. But a 55-yarder right up the middle with room to grow will do that to a girl. Even a ranter.

Then again . . . maybe this is how we all remember Lil' G best.

Yes, I May Still Complain a Little

2007-12-12T17:08:00.000-06:00

Ok, now that was just pure fun. I don't care how bad Atlanta sucks, or that we still shouldn't make the playoffs. It was fun.

Quick good points:

Joe Horn gettin' Joe Horn's ass handed to him by Joe Horn's old team. Yeah, baby.

Big Daddy P. Ok, I know we all wanted to crucify him after last week, but I completely support the play calling this week. Why? Because he went with what works. And the reverse, well, at least it was the beginning of the game. And I like a man with the balls to make a statement. Nice. You're back on the short list of baby names, big boy.

LOVED seeing Chris Reis and Kevin Kaesviharn all over the field.

Now a quick look at stuff that makes my head spin:

I wanted to see Chris Redman on his ass a whole lot more last night. Seriously, when the hell are you going to make these third string/insurance salesmen really pay for thinking they can hang with Will and His Guns?

Usama Young. WTF? 'nuff said.

And in other WTF news . . .

We've got him . . . Mr. I Kick The Soccer Ball Grammatica.

Is it too late to apologize to my old pal Mare?

Bring On the Birds

2007-12-09T20:21:00.000-06:00

I'm still here. Been fighting infections and mourning the spectacle that was last week's game. Oh, and my apologies for last week. It's all my fault. I was too ill to sing "It's Business Time." I will not be so careless tomorrow night. Pinky swear.

So Bush is officially out for Monday night's game. It's debatable whether or not that's such a bad thing.

Pierre Thomas is also on the injury list, but is listed as probable. I don't know if I've ever seen an injury listed as "kidney" before. Chalk this quote from Big Daddy P up to more than I need to know about one man's urine:

“Well Pierre is at 100%, it was really, he was chomping at the bit waiting for the tint to leave his urine, but he is at 100%,"

As for facing the third QB Atlanta's going to throw at us this year? I want to see him lying flat on his back under Will Smith. A lot. Bring it, bitches.

It's Buisiness Time

2007-11-27T10:03:00.000-06:00

Are we the only ones that caught the AWESOME pregame action? I thought the husband and I were going to pee on ourselves when we heard "It's Business Time" on FOX just before kickoff. (Well, in all honesty, due to the ninth month bladder squishing, I probably did pee on myself, but that's another story.) Maybe THAT was the secret victory ingredient this week. We'll just have to add singing that song to our game prep every week now.

Chef alluded to this song title a while back, and I figured it was time to bring it to light in case there's anyone on the planet who hasn't heard this yet.

(Warning: SO not g-rated.)

Enjoy!

Little People Rejoice!

2007-11-25T18:11:00.000-06:00

Let's hear it for the Midget Patrol!

I mean, come on. They had to figure that if Jason David couldn't block Steve Smith, then there was REALLY no hope for the vertically challenged corner.

Time to take my cough medicine and go to bed. Hopefully we can FINALLY beat this second round of "sick" that has landed here, and I can have something more productive to say soon.

The Predator

2007-11-21T09:15:00.000-06:00

Anyone else see the resemblance?

Especially after a really hard hit, when he scrunches up his shoulders and looks side to side with that menacing look that says, "Who's next?"
(Ok, so you can see it better in the black jersey, but all I had was white jersey photos. Deal with it.)

One tiny bright spot in our passing D.

(No game recap. You all understand, I'm sure. I'm too busy getting the throw up taste out of my mouth after Sunday's fiasco.)

SuperFan

2007-11-16T14:52:00.001-06:00

Have you built your SuperFan yet?

Here's mine:

(In case you're wondering, that smooth move I'm doing is the Cabbage patch.)

Even Ella got in on the action and made her own:

Click here to make your own.

Bright Spot

2007-11-13T07:36:00.000-06:00

This is all you're getting on the Saints game:

Duh! Did you THINK for one second that Jim Haslett, Fakhir Brown, and Antonio Pittman wouldn't come out in this game with a chip on their shoulder??? How about the whole fricking team with no wins to date? Don't we know how dangerous a team can be when they're counted out? And don't talk to me about "We didn't run enough." Kinda hard to do when you're down from the beginning and need points. Lots of 'em. Shut up.

Ok, I'm done. On to more pleasant things . . .

UL Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns. So what if they're 2-8.

Michael Desormeaux is #1 in QB rushing yds/game and 23rd among ALL rushers in the nation averaging 110.5 yds/game. Oh yeah, he's a junior. Oh yeah, he already has over 1,000 rushing yards this season.

The rushing game as a whole? 7th in the nation, thanks also to tailback Tyrell Fenroy who is on track to complete his third straight 1000-yd season.

Ok, I feel a little better now.

He's Got the Look

2007-11-05T08:05:00.000-06:00

So, big Daddy P showed us his range of sassy looks yesterday. There were my two favorites:

1.) The big Booyah Smile and double hand slap to David Patten after his TD. One just wasn't enough, and Coach had to turn around for one more.

2.) The painfully evident disgust after Mare's second missed field goal. I'd say the wind took the first one, but you know, it was a dome. Lucky for him Coach gave him another shot so he didn't get lynched on his way out of the dome yesterday.

*** Ken reminded me in the comments that this was actually my favorite look:
"that look of, "Man, get the F*** off me!" when Brees was chewing his ear after a kickoff. "
Yeah, but it was more like what have you been smoking? I have never seen a quarterback more excited after a kickoff. Never. Cool Brees makes a good cheerleader.

Sure, there were still some ugly moments, but it was fun to watch the game. Fun like we knew this season would be.

Get Off My Wagon!

2007-10-31T07:12:00.000-06:00

There will be no wagon-hopping allowed. Sorry. If you jumped on the bandwagon after last season and jumped right off after the first couple of games, too freaking bad. The seats you vacated are now reserved for tried and true Saints fans only. You know, those who stuck with us through the first few games. Those who recognized how tough it was to play Indy at home right out of the gate. Those who weren't pawning off their Saints merchandise at the first sign of weakness.

Lookie what the husband found for me in a hobby shop on Long Island last weekend.

Can you believe they put Reggie on the CLEARANCE RACK?!?!?

We'll show 'em all. I like flying under the radar. Time for some Jaguar Jambalaya!

Victory and a Wedding

2007-10-29T08:26:00.000-06:00

That felt good.

Everyone had a good day (even Devery and Dropper!!!).
Karney scared me for a minute, but we got lucky with that call. The luck had to go our way eventually, right?
Fujita had a pick (should have had two more). He had a great day in front of his home crowd.

More like this, please.

In other team news, a little birdie reported earlier that our favorite linebacker and his Mrs. were expecting quite soon. It was reported during the game the Mrs. Fujita is also 7 months along and expecting twins! So, my question is what are they having? With my matching bun with only two months left as well, it would seem I have a marriage candidate for the next Mr. or Mrs. Fujita. It would cover all possible outcomes if they had one of each, since I don't know what I'm having. My next question is what do you give your favorite linebacking couple as a dowry? Is it too early to buy the wedding dress or tux for my little one?

So Sayeth the Beerman

2007-10-26T13:42:00.000-06:00

Whose ready to see Michael again? Although I don't want to see him running down the field against us, I doubt he'd get the boos Joe Horn got in the Superdome (which was uncalled for, but his mouth has been getting away from him and it didn't surprise me). Here's what The Beerman had to say about this weekend's matchup:

"I want to score on them," Lewis said. "I want to bust one on them, just to let them know, I was there, and now, I'm here, and I'm going to do what I have to do for my new team."
"I got caught up in a situation where they wanted to go in a different direction," said Lewis, who also can play wide receiver. "I can't be mad at them for that. But I know where I am with my body. I didn't play college and played just one year in high school, so my body is not really beaten up. I don't want to get pushed out on the street because I know I have a lot of football left in me."
~ Michael Lewis, #84

On our side of the fence, Jeff Faine has a pectoral injury and will be a game time decision. Let's hope he gives the moobs (otherwise known as man-boobs, meats, or mits) some love before Sunday.

To make matters worse, Brian Young had fluid drained from his knee, and may not play either. Just when I was getting used to having him around. Jeez.

Anybody want to tell me why you can't find an injury report anywhere on the Saints' website? Ever? What gives?

You know you want one of these . . .

2007-10-25T12:55:00.000-06:00

See what I got in the mail yesterday:

Amy is awesome. Even though she's a Pats fan, she put lovely little fleur-de-lis throughout this beautiful baby blanket so now I will have a proper Saints fan baby. Now, to teach this baby to be born just before a Saints game so I'll have something to watch while I'm recovering.