Matty Rice & Gravy

I think I forgot to post this week.   You'll just have to forgive me.  It's November, that means  NaNoWriMo time.  So things are . . . busy.  And I'm using up all my words elsewhere.  At least the good ones.  So when I do pop in here, it'll be to give you loads of childish, potty mouth drivel.  You know, same old shit.  And don't even begin to think I'm gonna edit anything.  No time, no time. 

The good news is that I'll be rested up to report on the end of the month SMACKDOWN.  You just thought the networks went into overdrive for last Monday's game.  Just wait.  I plan to have 50k words behind me and by that Tuesday I'll be basking in that glorious FFG (freshly footballed glow, of course).  And you're gonna hear all about it.  Until then, anything you get from me will just be lagniappe.

Deal with it.

And as if I weren't exhausted enough with all the writing, the Saints had to keep me up all freaking night.  How many times did I think I could close my eyes and get a little much-needed shut-eye?  Nope, fumble.  Nope, interception.  Nope, missed the onside kick.  Nope, another interception.  Give me a freaking break!   I couldn't believe it when people were talking about the game Tuesday morning, about how it was ALMOST as tough and stressful as the week before's win.  WHAT?!?!?  And then I remembered.  I had chalked that up to a throwaway game.  And I was afraid, especially after winning that one, that we could lose this week.  To Atlanta.  And then to watch that potential nightmare unfold . . . it was almost more than my little Saint heart could handle.

Here's a quick list (mostly because I'm tired of writing in paragraphs ALREADY and it's only the 5th):

• Stud of the Week: Will Smith - Yep, you read it right, Will Smith.  Why?  Because I actually saw him a few times this game.  And he turned Matty Ice into Matty Rice & Gravy.  I like to think he put a little fear in that boy's head, maybe pushing him to throw a few of those passes that landed right into the hands of our TOP OF THE LEAGUE CORNERS.  (Ever thought you'd hear THAT shit???  I certainly didn't.)
• Drew owes his receivers dinner.  Seriously.  Not on top of his game.  He can thank his receivers for this week's passer rating, because it could have been a lot worse.  No, wait.  My bad.  Maybe it was just those mouthpieces.
• This just in . . . Gruden's STILL stimulated by all the packages he saw in the Saints meeting.
• Pierre.  You pissed me off.  Screw the fumble, I'm talking about the fifteen fricking yards for that undeserved celebration.  Yeah, that.  Maybe after the back flip into the endzone when we really needed it.  (Although, I'd argue that was just makeup nookie for fumbling the ball right before that.  Forget flowers and chocolate, give me a back flip for a score any day!)   But certainly not after that early score.   Give me a break.
• Injury Report:  Scott, Sedge, Moore, and Clancy all taking a break for now.  (again, stupid early bye week)  Although the good news is that Payton says he expects Sedge back before that 4-6 week estimate.  In other good news, Jenkins and Goodwin both made it back onto the field today.  Phew!  I needed some good news on the injury front.  I'm still all sorts of torn up over the loss of Heath Evans.  Someone pass me a tissue.  Or a gin and 7.  Whatever ya got.  Oh, and Marvin Mitchell saw field time again too, overcoming that "foot" injury, a.k.a. spending time as Payton's bitch.  And no, not his bottom bitch.
  
• And I will leave you with this . . . because we all want to beat the snot out of the Panthers (finish them, indeed) and Mr. Pouty-Pants himself . . . remember the goal of this season.  Of any season.  We've spent too long hungering for a good team.  For a solid winning season.  But this team was built for the Super Bowl.  These division games are strange, and anything could happen (yes, even in freaking Tampa).  As much as I really, really, really believe Jake is gonna think Sharper and Porter and Greer are his receivers by the end of this Sunday's game, it isn't gonna be tiddlywinks out there.  So, put your big girl boots on again and remember, win or lose, we're shootin' for that Black and Gold Super Bowl!

Realistically Speaking

I'll admit it.
I thought we would lose that game.

No, I don't mean five minutes or an hour into it.  I mean a week ago, I thought we were going to lose to Miami.  Not because Miami is better or because we were going to have some sort of letdown after the Giants win.  Just because.  I mean, I'm nothing if not a realist, and realistically speaking, I don't believe in 16-0.  I can't.  Ever.  For anyone.  Sure it can happen, but how often?  So, looking at the rest of the schedule after beating the Giants, I figured if we were going to lose a game, it would have to be this one.  Oh, I know any given week and all that, and I know how division games are . . . different . . . but if I could pick a game to lose, it would be this one.  Miami.  Nondivisional.  Hell, nonconference.  Screw it.  I'd take that loss.  For the good of the season and all that jazz.

Plus . . . side note . . .
Who the hell were those corners???  Because I completely didn't give them enough credit going into this game. Props to them on some great break ups.  You still lost, but hey, pat on the back, guys.

But we didn't lose.  We led the league in grit or whatever freaking nonsense Gruden thought up this week while he hot boxed the booth waiting for the amazingly entertaining game they threw in front of him last night.  And once again, it took a team effort to make the comeback.  As it should.  But this week, there can be only one winner.


Stud of the Week

Long before the flurry of free agency gold, there was Scott Fujita.  For the last few years, he has been the heart and soul of this defense.  The strong, silent type who leads by example.  But with Fujita out . . . hold on . . . I need a second . . .
sorry, hurts just to say that . . .
with Fujita out, what did that mean for the Saints Defense?  It meant the leadership fell all to this guy.

We all love Jonathan Vilma, so it was no surprise to see him all over the field making plays.  But his Stud Status this week isn't just for his 10 tackles.  It's for the way he kept those around him going through that first half.  I don't know what he was yelling at those guys on the field or what he threatened them with, but they got the message.

But I must admit.  He almost didn't get this week's honor.  The husband pushed for him, but I was hesitant.  You see, this is the same husband who wanted to turn off the game at halftime.  Uh-uh.  Not in my house.  So, I looked to my next pick.  Tracy Porter.  Oh sure, Sharper got the interception, but who tipped it to him?  Add in a few other saves and the freebie at the end, (plus, I just LIKE Porter and I'm still sad he missed almost all of last season) and I thought it was a no-brainer.

Until I thought about the type of win we had.   And then I came around.  It had to go to that driving force that kept the guys together out there when everything around them was falling apart.  So.  Vilma.  Well earned.



Hopefully next week we'll see a little more of a pass rush (it's Chad freaking Henne for crying out loud!!!) and a little less of the chicken shit play calling.  Not that I'm complaining.  Ok, a little bit.  But seriously, is it too much to ask to see Matt Ryan flat on his back under Will Smith?  Huh?  Is it?
I didn't think so.

Little Dome of Horrors

Ok, so would all of our New York friends and family close your eyes and scroll past the next paragraph, please?
You scrolling?
Eyes closed?
Good.



SUCK IT NEW YORK!  And while we're at it, SUCK IT NFL SCHEDULING BITCHES!  What?  You figured New York is SO FREAKING AWESOME that if you lined up all three of the NY teams in a row that at least one of them would HAVE to beat the poor, pathetic losers from New Orleans?  Bite our collective asses!  No, you know what?  I'll take that as a compliment.  You needed to stack up three of your teams to get the odds up to beat the ONE from our state, and you STILL couldn't get it done!  We swept your M-F-ing precious ass state like dust bunnies under the couch.  So ha!  There!  Eat that, bitches.  It feels like Lois in that Family Guy episode where all the New Yorkers descend upon Quahog, and she mans up and hands out the ass-whoopin' of their lives.  Yeah, just like that.


Hey, you can stop scrolling now.
I think I'm done.
Yep, done with that.
For now.


Yes, it was a Halloween massacre for the Giants this weekend, and Eli's still washing the piss out of his pants right about now.  Yes indeed, Oprah definitely waved her magic O-Wand in the dome and it was touchdowns for everyone in black and gold!  And you get a touchdown!  And you get a touchdown!  And - oh, what the hell - YOU get a touchdown!  Even Reggie got his hands on one, so maybe you can all give him a teensy weensy reprieve.  Just for this week.  Huh?  What do you say?


But wait, a moment of silence, please . . .

If you've been keeping up with this site for a while, you already know of my deep love for all things Fujita.   Because, you see, we don't swoon for the flashy wide outs or the star running backs on this site.  No, around here we like our players, big, smart, and tough.  If you're a linebacker or safety and can put a ferocious hit out on the enemy, you're probably gonna see some face time in a post or two.  But if you're a reader that's just popped in this season, you might not have picked up on that, and it's completely my fault.  I have not been giving The Greatness his due this season.  I want to apologize.  I had a lot of shiny, new toys to play with this year, and  . . . well . . . no excuse is good enough.  Now I see my favorite player sporting the boot once again, and with no waterslide in sight to take the fall and Fujita questionable for next week's game, I just don't know how I'm going to live with myself.

But carry on we must. 
And carry on we shall.


So to whom do we owe this victory?  Who should receive the coveted Stud of the Week honor?

• The O-line, with Bushrod back and earning a permanent spot on that left side (can you just hear Jammal Brown typing up a new resume?), stepped up and said "Access Denied!"  Osi Who?  Number one defense?  Yeah, whatever. 
• Brees?  Duh.
• Lance fulfilled all our expectations, and with the Giants giving extra attention to Colston and even Shockey, who's wide open?  But they caught on, right?  So they came down on Lance, which just leaves Colston free to stretch his monster body out for a first down every freaking time.  Shockey.  Thomas.  Bell.  They all played their asses off.
  
• The Tracy Porter/Jabrari Greer tandem  saved us a couple of big touchdowns and really did an excellent job the entire game.
• Roman Harper and Darren Sharper.  Enough said.  I could go on all day about those two.  I do feel really bad for Sharper that he didn't get an interception in the books yesterday.
  
• I even thought about giving the honor to Morstead.  I'm dead serious.  Those two tackles stopped two returns for touchdowns.  I'd say that's a big deal.  I told you I didn't really give a rats ass if they drafted a punter.  Figured they had to know what the hell they were doing, right?  Turns out they did with this kid.

I don't know.  I just can't single anyone out this week.   It just doesn't seem fair.  This was truly one of those team efforts, and I'd buy 'em all a round right now if I could.

Putting on My Big Girl Boots

Oh, you didn't think I'd cower in the corner for long, did you? Of course not.

For one, I threw out all my clocks. You can't kick Cinderella out of her own M-F-ing ball! Screw the glass slippers, I got my combat boots on today.

Second, you know what else the boots are good for? Kicking all those tagalongs off the damn bandwagon. Seriously. Who invited these people? If it was you, I'm kicking your ass off too. It makes me uneasy to hear the Saints favored over and over in the media. Shut up and tell me we're underrated. Tell me don't belong at the party, that we should be back home scrubbing floors or licking Benson's shoes or some nonsense. Don't tell me we're gonna win. And don't show up like you knew we were great all along. You feel that? That's my boot smashing in your face as you get kicked off the side and crash to the ground. Not on my wagon. Not on my watch.

What lifted my mood this week? A couple of things.
Lance Moore back. Looking forward to big games from Moore and Meachem today.
An extra week for our O-line to heal up some itty bitty nagging injuries.
Shockmeister J back at full strength.
No more Hammy problems for some of our guys in the secondary.

And Darren. Oh, Darren. He's got Eli's number. Just check out what he's done to him in his years with the Vikings (and that's all the time THAT team will see on this blog). Seriously, check it out. Four interceptions against Eli. And Eli's not as disciplined as big brother. He's gonna try not to, but fear will have him staring down his recievers all afternoon long. A perfect playground for Hawk Man.

I won't even begin the Hartley discussion. I'm pretending he doesn't exist at the moment. You know, like all the cool kids who just pretend like you aren't there, even though you're waving your hands in their faces and screaming at them and they just look around at nothing in particular and say, "Wow, that breeze sure is picking up today."

You still have time. Dust off your fear and nagging reservations and get ready for combat with me. When you put on your Saints gear this morning, don't forget the combat boots, Dr. Martens, shit kickers, Delcambre Reeboks, or whatever else you've got and get ready for the ass-whooping of a lifetime!

Sobering Up

I heard a statistic last week that's been eating away at me. I didn't check the accuracy, but it sounds right based on my fuzzy memory of the last few years. It goes something like this . . .

The Saints are 0-3 after the bye week since Sean Payton took over the team.


Seriously, what are you people doing on your time off??? Well, we know what Reggie's doing (or who he's doing, I guess), but that shouldn't matter. We can't get much less production from him anyway. But for everyone else . . . seriously . . . are you hitting the water parks again? What is it???

Ok, I'll be optimistic.
Different team. (Not really. Just a few tweaks, but Darren Sharper fills a lot of holes all by himself.)
Different year. (Can't argue with that. I do have a calendar.)
Different defensive coordinator. (Yes.)

Yes, we should have some guys healthier next week, but that brings me to another issue. I'm so freaking sick of the early bye. Because while we have some players with nagging minor injuries, don't you think we'll have a greater need for a break to get healthy LATER in the season? Or at least mid freaking season??? Hate. The. Early. Bye.

Last week I felt like Cinderella at the ball. Now I guess I'm looking at the clock thinking next Sunday could be our midnight. And that's ok. Really, big picture and all, a loss to the Giants is not the end of the world. I don't realistically think we're going to go undefeated, and if we have to lose a game, I'd be willing to lose one to a formidable non-divisional opponent. Then again . . . this Cinderella wants to pop her glass slipper heel upside some fat Giant head and say . . .

"Take THAT bitches! Screw the clock, I ain't goin' home yet!!!"

Resistance is Futile

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

Not only did we deliver a royal smackdown, but we delivered it to the Jets.
And their GQ wannabe QB.
And we proved who really wears the big boy pants in this league. No, it isn't Rex Ryan. It's our own Duke of Defense. That's MR. Williams to you.

What else can I say? Oh, how about . . .

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

. . . keep it up Scotty. I've missed you!

And Drew,
Dear Drew,
You know we love you,
And we LOVE that you're running for those first downs now,
And that you're throwing down a mighty block or two,
But could you please,
Pretty please . . .

NOT sacrifice your throwing shoulder next time?

As much as I love me some Marky Mark, I don't want to see Brees holding a clipboard for the rest of the season.

And last but most definitely not least, our Stud of the Week:

Meet . . .



. . . The Ball Hawk! *

#1 in the league in interceptions,
NFC Defensive Player of the Week,
and all around Rock Freaking Star,
Darren Sharper!

If you aren't a fan, I understand. No, not really, but I'll play devil's advocate for now. The reason Sharper makes such big plays is because he's been given the freedom to do what he does best. Follow his instincts. If they're running a particular play and his super duper hawk sense smells something fishy, he follows that smell. He breaks formation and jumps on the ball. And guess what? No one can be right all the time, so sometimes he's gonna be in the wrong place. So, yeah, that could make a person nervous. But I think he's proven so far that his instincts are dead on. This is what I've been waiting for ever since I heard his name and the Saints in the same sentence so many months ago.

So far, this season has certainly proven well-worth the long offseason wait!

Now, what to do with the long wait until the next smackdown???

(*Cut me some slack on the chop job. I had fun giving GIMP a test drive.)

This Is All I Have To Say About That

Do you really want to know how I feel about tonight's game?




Now.
Shut.
Up.

Screw You and Your Flag, We Won Anyway

Despite a whole lot of this . . .

MICHAEL DeMOCKER/THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

. . .following some of the worst officiating I've ever seen (EVER, I tell you), we finally beat a worthy opponent. And we had them running scared from the beginning. Trick play on the first field goal attempt? *sniff* *sniff* That's the smell of desparation, folks. Damn straight. And speaking of field goal attempts . . .


NEWS FLASH . . . Olindo Mare missed an assload of field goals.
But wait.
There's more.
Not only did he get a JOB this season, but now he's got Jim Mora apologizing for his criticism in the postgame press conference. Seriously?!?! I mean, it's not HIS fault you got yourself in the position umpteen thousand times to have to kick a field goal, but still. He missed. A lot. And now Mora's apologizing for maybe setting the bar too high for some players. Here's a tip, Jimmy. Set that bar down around Mare's fricking knees, then maybe he could knock a ball over that one.

Now back to the Saints.


Formative fun game, my ass. Buffalo's defense may have stepped up and given us a bit of an ass-chapping, but OUR defense shut those mothers down! I saw some action once again from my favorite fifty-five, Scott Fujita, and finally . . . FINALLY . . . we got some productivity our of overpaid ends, Charles Grant and Will Smith.

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

Even Reggie Bush didn't look like a shit heel this week. Well, mostly.

Watching this week, I wondered who I'd pass the stud of the week title on to. Would I throw C. Grant a bone this week? Or maybe Lynell Hamilton deserved the honor.

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

(Oh, My Freaking Gosh. I still get shivers every time I think about that tackle.)

But then came the second half. And someone clearly stole the honor.

DAVID GRUNFELD / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

Pierre Thomas. Way to prove to the world that you ain't rolling over and handing your job to any man. Holy crap. If we could keep both those guys healthy . . . no . . . I can't even think about it. Flames might start flying out of my ears.

Oh, it's good time to be a Saints fan. Hell, WE know that any time's a good time to be a Saints fan, but now's the time when we put the big boots back on. 'Cause we're gonna need 'em to knock all those bastards off the bandwagon again. Because sure enough, they're coming. Even CowTurd, who surely has a few more weeks of proclaiming to the radio masses that the Saints and Drew Brees in particular are overrated, will eventually come around singing their praises.

I got my boots ready. How about you?

An Ode to the Big Boys

I hate listening to local sports radio on Mondays. Sure, I want to yell at the idiotic callers on my way to the grocery store, but I can't stand listening to the endless number of LSU fans calling in to whine about every little thing they're team did wrong that weekend.

THEY WON THE GAME, PEOPLE. Let it go.

I can't help it. As a UL-Lafayette/USL fan, I would just like to enjoy half of their success. And I always swore I wouldn't complain like that if I got it. But here I am. Doing the same thing with My Saints. Oh, I can pretend it's different. I could line up the excuses.

* The blog's called Saints Rants.
* Or think how boring this would be if I only puked praise every week.
* Or I could point out that I've been here before. And I've been burned.
* And gee, unlike LSU fans, my team doesn't have a nice, shiny national title.

Not yet.

But I will lay off on one issue. Defense. They still aren't where we want them to be. But what did we beg of them all last season (besides a few extra inches for Jason David) while our offense racked up record-setting numbers?

We asked the defense to be just a little bit better.

That's it. Not rank in the top five or even the top ten. We just needed a middle of the road defense, one that would allow maybe just one score less each game. We didn't need a shut out. We just needed to score more points than the other teams. That's all we asked. And now . . . by George, I think we got it!

So I'll lay off.
For now.


Instead, I'll sing the praises of our beloved motley crew. Our Studs of the Week. The Offensive Line. But first . . .

Wait, did I SERIOUSLY hear Aikman say that he didn't think our offensive line played very well in week 1? SERIOUSLY??? I'm sorry, but how many times was Brees sacked in that game? And how often did he have enough time to throw the ball all the way down the field to, oh, any number of people lined up to catch it? And who handled Trent Cole this week?

BUSHROD!!!!!

That's right. Suck it, JB.
And don't forget who else put the brakes on the pro-bowl DE . . .

Big Ol' Stinch-Daddy!
A Man who has truly busted ass and earned his right as a starter on this team.

My hat's off to all of you. Keep it up, because we like seeing Drew put up those ridiculous numbers.


Of course, I want to acknowledge Jenkins and Bush and Sharper and Devery . . . ok, maybe even Shockey . . . but it's way too early to expect what we've seen so far to be the best they've got. You've got to earn your Stud status here!

Tool Basket

Scanning the post titles in my feed reader earlier this week, one title in the middle of a bunch of Saints game summaries and news bits caught my eye.
A Tool Basket
Much to my annoyance, the post went into detail on how to craft/sew a tool basket. Most days this might have delighted me, but not after this fantabulous opening weekend. I wanted to continue eating, breathing, living football. So, I'm making my own damn tool basket post.


Week 1 Tool Basket:

1. Jammal Brown - read last week's brief post. I'm tired of talking about this loser.

2 & 3. Charles Grant and Will Smith - Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about you, big boys. I never thought Id be singing the praises of our secondary and wondering what the hell our pro bowl ends are doing. I can't even tell whether or not they're in the game or not anymore. But OH they've pulled your suspensions! Yip-yip-yippee. Can you feel my enthusiasm? No? Hmm, I wonder why not? Moving on.

4. Special Freaking Teams - Yep. Special. I won't waste time discussing this, because Roby should improve them next week. Especially since they shouldn't have cut him in the first place. Duh.

5. Reggie Bush - He's number five because I just can't bring myself to bring him any higher. Plus, I don't think anyone's harder on Reggie than Reggie, so he doesn't need me bashing him this week. But the rope is short, my friend.


(Honorable Mention - Tracy Porter - Don't get me wrong, I love this kid. But he has to stay healthy one freaking season. A bruise? Get your ass on the field, boy!)




A few side notes and players NOT going into the tool basket:

* Do I really have to say it? Brees. 'Nuff said. He's my Stud of the Week (featured in the sidebar), just to get this shit out of the way now.

* Offensive Line - Somebody had to do their job so Brees could throw the ball. Jammal who?

* Mike Bell and Darren Sharper - These aren't new tricks and don't call 'em old dogs. These guys delivered what we knew they would. Either could have easily been my stud this week, but I expect even better performances from both in the future.

* Lance Moore, a.k.a. The Hotness. Welcome back, darlin'! Where did the frack did the damn force-out rule go just when we needed it? Huh? Huh?

* This . . .

CHUCK COOK / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

But wait, haven't we seen Drew pressing his junk up against another #44 before? Actually, it looks like Heath Evans is replacing Jeff Faine as Drew's preferred Junk Target. We all loved Karney, but I'm looking forward to big things from this ex-Pat.

* I got my wish . . .

RUSTY COSTANZA / THE TIMES-PICAYUNE

BUSHROD!!!!!!!!

Not quite the context I had in mind, but I did get to shout it out. High Five, buddy, on getting back out there. Oh, and doing your job. Hear that JB?


And I couldn't live with myself if I didn't mention . . .

* UL-Lafayette beat Kansas State!!! Geaux Cajuns!!!

* Props to Kevin Faulk and Brandon Stokely on their week 1 performances. Don't think we've fogotten about either of you down here!

* Jake Delhomme. Oh, dear Jake. I always knew you had it in you. Way to prove me right. Again.